You will be assimilated. Here are some flowers

The Borg, a species from the Delta Quadrant of the Milky Way Galaxy, have begun making inroads on Match and eHarmony, prompting both sites to offer “Borg Assimilation” weekends for free.

“Confidence is very sexy” said a woman who dated a Borg.

And when he told me that resistance was futile I melted. Finally a man who isn’t afraid to take charge! We went out to dinner. Chinese. Apparently the Borg love Chinese food. He kept telling me that the General Tso’s chicken “shall be assimilated.” Anyway then we went back to his place. His “Cube” he called it. And oh the passion! He removed his pants and said “Resist this!” Naturally I couldn’t. Though his penis did have some weird cybernetic attachments. Then he started putting attachments onto me. So?  He’s into costumes and roll play. I’m game. We spent the night consummating our passion. He didn’t even need to sleep afterwards. He just popped into his regeneration chamber for a few moments, came out and we did it again. It’s true what they say: “Once you’ve had Borg you never go back.”

Another woman tells a similar tale.

I’m pretty open minded. I’ve dated Blacks, Puerto Ricans, even Ferengi. So you can say I’m pretty experienced. But I’ve never had a Borg before. They are passionate yet intimate love makers. He was on top of me and I looked into his eyes the entire time. Well, his eye. I had him cover up his eye implant on the one eye since the red laser light coming out of it wasn’t helping me release my chakras. But I’m hooked. From now on I am only dating Borg men. And women. And trans Borg, if they have any. Pre-op if possible.

However opposition to interplanetary dating is growing, with many calling for an outright ban on Borg-human hook ups.

“I only have one daughter and naturally I care about who she dates” said a father as he testified in front of Congress.

I used to have only one rule: No Irish. I only want my daughter dating respectable classes you see. But then she brought home this Borg. And she was all decked out in Borg implants. She said she had never been happier with the voices of the collective in her head. Come on! Do you know how much money I’ve spent on psychiatrists so she wouldn’t hear voices? And here comes this Borg with his Borg collective charm ruining all that. Never again. If I ever have another daughter and she brings home a Borg I’m going full Negan and taking a baseball bat to his skull!

As for the Borg, a message from the Borg Collective may explain why they like Earth women.

“We are the Borg. We assimilate species throughout the galaxy. That’s what we do. But sometimes you have to get your freak on. Klingons are too rough and Romulans are too icy. Earth girls are just the right balance.”

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