Look at this firetrap!!

Local resident and masked crime fighter Batman has been fined an undisclosed but”hefty” sum after the Fire Department of Gotham made a surprise inspection of the Bat Cave and logged 16 major fire code violations.

“Upon a routine inspection of said ‘Bat Cave’ we found violations” said the commissioner of the GCFD.

For starters the Bat Cave had only one exit which was not clearly marked. This in itself is enough to shut down the premises. There were no emergency lights in the Cave in case of a power outage or fire. So no one would be able to follow the emergency lights to the exit.

We discovered dangerous chemicals such as shark repellent, Joker repellent and Penguin repellent. We also found on the premises thermite explosives, mini-mines, coke-fueled salamander, portable space heaters, powered industrial equipment and a tar kettle. He was in possession of all of these without the required permit from the GCFD. He also was improperly disposing of industrial waste. The Bat Cave was also deficit in the required fire protection systems. There were no portable fire extinguishers. No high expansion foam systems. No wet or dry chemical fire extinguishing systems. In fact there was no fire alarm system at all. It is a wonder that the entire cave hasn’t exploded yet. We had to shut it down. We have a responsibility to Gotham to keep its citizens safe. And unlike the GCPD we actually do our job.

When reached for comment Batman pleaded for a temporary exemption from the fire code.

“I have nothing but respect for the hard working members of the GCFD” said Batman.

But my entire success depends on secrecy. I’m a masked crime fighter after all. And because I depend on secrecy it’s not like I could hire electricians out of the phone book when setting up the Bat Cave. Believe me I tried. But when I told them that they had to sign an oath of secrecy they walked out. “We’re union and no one is telling us what to do” they told me. So I had to cut some corners. I hired Mexicans. They wired the place up as best they could but maybe there was a language barrier. I don’t speak Spanish and Robin is gay. But I need the Bat Cave open. It has my Bat computers that help me profile and fight crime.

With the Bat Cave shut down Batman has temporarily transferred his base of operations to office space he is renting on Main street.

It’s just not the same.  I have no privacy. I only have a cubicle mind you and the computers here are all Apple and they won’t run my crime fighting software. And the mayor wonders why crime is rising. I”ll tell you why. Private citizens like me are being harassed. I bet this is all because I didn’t vote for him.

Batman then took an elevator down to the street to smoke.

“I can’t even smoke in the building which I could do in the Bat Cave. Now whenever I smoke tourists point to me and say “Hey, it’s smoking Batman.” I tell you I haven’t been this embarrassed since the Bat Cave’s computers crashed during the Windows 10 upgrade.”

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