Manhattan Infidel Examines the Barack Obama Post-Presidency: The First Weekend

Obama as an ex-president. Or maybe this photo was taken during his presidency. It's hard to tell.

Obama as an ex-president. Or maybe this photo was taken during his presidency. It’s hard to tell.

For my first post of the post-Barack Obama era I have decided to examine Barack Obama’s weekend out of office. Specifically its legacy. What can America learn from Barack Obama’s post-presidency?

To help me make sense of the Obama post-presidency legacy I was able to obtain a copy of  the former president’s diary plus Secret Services logs which I now share with my readers reader those who reached this site accidentally while looking for porn.

Friday January 20th, 12 hundred hours

  • President Obama’s diary

I’m being kicked out of my house, as the white Christian has often done to peoples of color. Lots of people here. Ha!  Bill Clinton was caught by Hillary checking out Ivanka Trump. Idiot. It’s all about peripheral vision. Using my peripheral vision skills no one will notice me checking out Trump’s adult sons.

  • Secret Service logs

President Obama (code name “Mom Jeans”) set to leave office. Many of us have long waited for this day as Mom Jeans tends to pout when he doesn’t get his way. Also, agents are tired of coming up with ways of hiding President from First Lady.

Friday January 20th 13 hundred hours

  • President Obama’s diary

This is soooo cool! They are taking me on a helicopter ride around Washington. I like helicopters. When I grow up I want to be a pilot. I hope I don’t get airsick. Oh god I’m getting airsick!

  • Secret Service logs

Mom Jeans just puked all over me. Goddammit this is a new suit! I had better be able to write it off. Someone open a window the entire helicopter smells like vomit.

Friday January 20th 17 hundred hours

  • President Obama’s diary

The nice Secret Service agent told me we were in Florida. Disney world?  No. Not Disney world. Damn. Disney World has a nice golf course. I wonder if they have golf course here?  It’s getting dark. I’m afraid of the dark. I’ll golf tomorrow. Did the Secret Service pack my PJs?

  • Secret Service logs

Had to inform Mom Jeans of Florida’s strict drug laws and flushed his stash down the toilet. Also had to buy PJs for President as we forgot to pack his favorite Dora the Explorer pajamas.

Saturday January 21st All Day

  • President Obama’s diary

Whoo hoo!  I get to play golf all day! This is so much different then when I was President. Okay, maybe not too much. I could play golf all day then too but sometimes I had to go to ESPN and give my NCAA bracket picks.

  • Secret Service logs

Mom jeans set to play golf all day. Easy assignment. Except when he finishes and goes back to the clubhouse we have to watch him shower. He enjoys this. Must talk to my union rep.

Sunday January 22nd All Day

  • President Obama’s diary

Whoo hoo. I get to play golf. Again! Golf is fun and no stupid Republicans are being mean to me. I don’t think the Secret Service likes to watch me shower. They must be Republicans too!

  • Secret Service logs

Mom Jeans was taking a shower when one of the maids came into the locker room to change the towels. He got all embarrassed and started shouting “I was in the pool!  I was in the pool!” Shrinkage.  Sometimes it does make our job worth it.

So what have we learned?  What is the legacy of Barack Obama’s post-presidency? I don’t know I’m just a blogger. I’ll leave interpretations to the geniuses at MSNBC and CNN.

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2 Comments

2 Responses

  1. Bob Agard says:

    Amazing! I have not seen this reported anywhere else!

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