The High Council of the Planet Vulcan, responding to complaints that the Vulcan mating ritual known as the “Pon Farr” is becoming increasingly irrelevant to younger Vulcans has approved historic changes in the ceremony.
“The Pon Farr is the bedrock of Vulcan Society” said a High Council member.
It is the summit through with all Vulcan power flows. But let’s face it. The ceremony was outdated and in need of change. The younger generation had stopped Pon Farr-ing. They considered it old fashioned. They just wanted sex, drugs and rock and roll. To tell you the truth I could see the logical appeal to that lifestyle. But it is disastrous in the long run. It is hoped these changes will make the Pon Farr more relevant to younger Vulcans and increase attendance at all Pon Farr ceremonies.
The first change will be the “Challenge.” All Vulcan brides-to-be had to right to have their mate fight for her. These fights were to the death. However many young Vulcans refused to fight.
The kids didn’t want to do it. Plus, let’s be honest. We have an obesity epidemic on Vulcan and a lot of the kids were just to fat to fight. So now if she chooses the challenge the men will play the old Earth board game of Battleship. It’s game of logic, which is good for Vulcans and it’s a game of strategy which will help young Vulcans hone their military skills.
The Pon Farr outfits will also be updated.
The old outfits come to us from the time of the beginning. But the kids thought they looked goofy. Plus the guy stuck wearing the big black thing over his face
was always complaining that he couldn’t breathe. So now they will wear regular Vulcan street clothes. I know not as dramatic but we have to adapt to the times.
And finally the music will be changed.
We’re getting rid of the guys with the shaky bell things.
Even I didn’t like them. They served no logical purpose and all the bells did was make the combatants nervous. And if there is to be a fight to the death we want it to be a relaxed one. So musically we’re going in a new direction. We tried getting Paul McCartney and Wings but I understand they have broken up. So instead music for the Pon Farr will be provided by Paul Anka, who has graciously agreed to sing “Having My Baby.” I think the kids will be able to relate to Paul. He’s young. He’s hip. His choice of hats is flawlessly logical.
The new regulations go into effect with the next Pon Farr mating season in Spring.
“We think the new ceremony will knock the kids’ socks off.”