Give me money!

Being a blogger is a rewarding life:  money, fame, women, Saturday nights cleaning the grout on the bathroom tiles.

But being a blogger is also expensive: travel, wardrobe, private yachts new grout for my bathroom tiles.

Because of this I am announcing my first annual pledge drive, where my loyal readers reader promise to give me money. So without further delay I present the different levels of membership.

• The Bronze Level

If you pledge 50 dollars you will become a Bronze Level Manhattan Infidel subscriber.  Bronze Level subscribers will receive a commemorative gift plate and an autographed photo of me cleaning the grout in my bathroom on a Saturday night. Imagine how you will beam with pride as you hang the photo of yours truly cleaning bathroom grout in your cubicle at work. Everyone will be jealous!

• The Silver Level

For a 200 dollar pledge you gain access to the Silver Level. Silver Level subscribers will receive TWO autographed photos of me cleaning the grout in my bathroom on a Saturday night.  That’s right. TWO autographed photos. And a commemorative dinner plate. You can hang both photos in your cubicle. Can you say promotion?

• The Gold Level

A one-time gift of 500 US dollars will give you Gold Level membership. With Gold Level membership you will receive a commemorative gift plate AND plastic silverware (sporks included).  You will also get three, yes three autographed pictures of me.  Two of me cleaning the grout in my bathroom on a Saturday night and one of me using a plunger on the toilet on a Saturday night.  In addition I will send one personalized text every month for only the additional cost of ten dollars per word (emojis count as words.)

• The Platinum Level

Platinum Level Subscribers (800 US dollars) will receive a commemorative gift plate, plastic silverware with sporks included AND napkins. They will also get four, yes, four autographed pictures of me. Two of me cleaning the grout in my bathroom, one of me using a plunger on the toilet and one of me scrubbing the bathtub, one text and three phone calls per month. Granted the calls will be at 3 am, I will probably be drunk and will send you photos of my penis, but they are phone calls. Or I might possibly be suffering from a bad acid trip and need you to talk me down. Or I might be calling to ask you if you could pay my bail. But it’s a phone call that shows I care.

• The Gold-Pressed Latinum Level (Official currency of the Alpha Quadrant and space station Deep Space Nine)

For a gift of 1,000 dollars subscribers at this level will receive everything Platinum Level subscribers get but I will deliver them personally as I intend to move in with you. Let’s face it. Rents are unreasonable in Manhattan. Imagine how your friends will look up to you when you tell them that the famous blogger Manhattan Infidel is in your bathroom cleaning your grout! Yes, for one thousand dollars I will sleep on your couch, raid your fridge and view questionable internet sites on your laptop. Don’t pass up this opportunity!

Act now!  Operators are standing by! This offer is valid for a limited time only!

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