Drug pusher and pedophile Puff is dead

Tragedy struck the land called Honahlee today as local resident Puff the so-called Magic Dragon was taken out by a SWAT team led by Honahlee’s new tough on crime sheriff.

“We had reports of a large, naked figure frolicking in the autumn mist” said the sheriff.

As you know my department has banned frolicking because it is immoral and leads to sexual depravity, vampirism, smoking and Cosplay. Also we were concerned that the large naked figure frolicking in the autumn mist might be Kevin James or Jon Favreau, or Kevin James and Jon Favreau or some weird Kevin James, Jon Favreau hybrid. So I gathered up my SWAT team and went into the mist.

Unfortunately as it was very misty in the mist the SWAT team did not have a beat on what they saw frolicking around and opened fire immediately.  Puff was hit several times and collapsed to the ground, shouting “Jesus Christ assholes I was just frolicking!”

“We knew we had hit a target but weren’t sure what so we approached with caution” said the sheriff.

At this point we didn’t know if we hit Kevin James, Jon Favreau, Kevin James and Jon Favreau or their hybrid animal. We were understandably nervous. Hollywood celebrities are dangerous to begin with but when they are wounded and cornered they have a tendency to turn violent.

To the SWAT team’s relief they had instead hit Puff, a notorious local resident who claims magical powers.

We all know about Puff’s claims like he traveled on a boat with a billowed sail – I checked and he doesn’t have a sailing license – and that pirate ships would lower their flag when he roared out his name. We never had any evidence but we suspect that the pirate ships were Canadian drug smugglers and Puff was their contact. Yeah, this Puff character was shady and he liked to flaunt it in the face of all honest, hard-working residents of Honahlee.

Despite his colorful boats Puff was tolerated in Honahlee at first. It wasn’t until he started hanging out with little Jackie Paper that opinion turned against him.

Look Honahlee is a tolerant town. We voted for Hillary Clinton. All businesses have bathrooms for all legally recognized 31 genders but this was just too much. Their relationship was inappropriate to say the least. I told Puff once that if teenage boys were his thing why doesn’t he just move to Hollywood? I’m sure Kevin James or Jon Favreau or Kevin James and Jon Favreau or a weird hybrid creature resembling Kevin James and Jon Favreau would gladly have hooked him up with some boys. Puff didn’t listen. He just smiled and said I didn’t understand their relationship.

As Puff lay dying from his wounds he kept asking for Jackie Paper.

I felt sad for him. He was crying and all he wanted before he died was to see Jackie one more time. “Please tell Jackie our time together frolicking in the autumn mist was special.” Then the perp expired. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that Jackie Paper moved to southern California and started doing gay porn. He made a lot of money I hear. Then he had a religious conversion and became one of those non-denominational ministers that married people in a Las Vegas wedding chapel. Now do you believe that frolicking is evil?

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The town of Honahlee has posted “No frolicking in the autumn mist”  and “Frolicking in the autumn mist is a class A felony” signs all along their waterfront.

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