The starship Enterprise in orbit around the planet Vulcan

In a vote that was closely watched throughout the galaxy, the planet Vulcan today executed its long-threatened “Fed-Exit” and left the United Federation of Planets.

The vote was close but logical with 52.5 percent voting to leave the Federation, 46 voting to remain and 1.5 percent voting to experience a “never-ending” pon farr until their testicles explode.

From his office in Paris, France, planet Earth, the president of the Federation lamented Vulcan’s vote.

“This is a sad day for everyone” he told reporters.

The United Federation of Planets believes in the universal values of liberty, rights and equality for all species.Vulcan was a valued member of the Federation. I beg Vulcan to reconsider and look back on the mystic chord of memory of our past shared association. It is not too late. Repudiate the vote and rejoin us!

Despite the plea Vulcan shows no signs of repenting of its vote. Indeed many on the planet are sick of the regulatory infrastructure of the Federation and how it stifled the economic life of Vulcan.

“All I want to do is sell Idaho potatoes” said one Vulcan grocer.

Vulcans love potatoes. It’s a logical food. But when we joined the Federation some earthling showed up with a 200-page manual of regulations on the proper method of displaying potatoes. I read it but was amazed at its lack of logic and consistency. So he tells me I cannot sell Idaho potatoes anymore. This put me out of business. If I ever see him again he’s getting the Vulcan neck pinch on his balls.

Another source of tension between Vulcan and the Federation is the Federation’s insistence that Vulcan take dramatic measures to end climate change.

“Utterly unscientific nonsense” said T’Pau,

Vulcan for Vulcans!

the only Vulcan ever to turn down a seat on the Federation Council.

This is Vulcan. We are close to our Sun. Much closer than Earth is. Hot as Vulcan. Isn’t that the saying. And yes, our air is thin. But the air is the air. What can be done? We don’t need nor appreciate Earthlings meddling in our climate.

Vulcan had recently outlawed 100 watt light bulbs at the insistence of the Federation to combat climate change. Vulcans had a hard time adjusting to the new dim and environmentally friendly bulbs imported from Earth.

This led to the embarrassing incident where Ambassador Sarek

Give me 100 watt light bulbs any day!

signed away Vulcan’s underground mineral rights to the Federation.

“It was so damn dark I couldn’t see the document” said Sarek.

I didn’t know what I was signing. The Earthers told me it was a treaty of friendship. I know it was illogical to sign a document I haven’t read but I trusted them. Not any more. Now I spit on any Earther I see.

With the vote to leave the Federation, Commander Spock,

I will build a wall and force Romulus to pay for it

a strong proponent of leaving the Federations, has resigned his commission in Star Fleet and will travel back to Vulcan to run for President of the High Council.

“I want to make Vulcan great again” he said.

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