My Exclusive Interview with Pig-Pen (No Not the Guy From the Grateful Dead)

You know, I influenced grunge.

You know, I influenced grunge.

Today at the Worldwide Headquarters of the unstoppable journalistic juggernaut of Manhattan Infidel™ I have the pleasure of interviewing none other than Pig-Pen (no, not the guy from the Grateful Dead.)

MI: Good [cough] afternoon Pigpen.

PP: Good afternoon Manhattan Infidel. I must say I am pleased to be here. Most people want to interview Chuck or Linus not me.

MI: Well it’s good to have you here. I want [cough] to get your story.

PP: Is my dust cloud bothering you?

MI: [Cough] Nothing personal. I have allergies.

PP: I understand. Many people do not understand why I choose to look like this.

MI: [Cough] And that is?

PP: I am making a statement.

MI: A statement?

PP: I resent your clean privilege.

MI: My what?

PP: My dust is the dust of far off lands. The dust of Mesopotamia. My dust is the dust of Islam. My dust is the dust of the religion of peace™. That’s why I don’t bathe. I resent your infidel clean privilege. You smell like soap. All white westerners smell like soap. It smells like death. So screw you and your bourgeois clean privilege.

MI: Wow. You [cough] really have a lot of resentment stored up.

PP:I  think I have good reason. People hate me for just existing.

MI: Like they hate the Irish?

PP: Exactly. I have a right to my anger. I never get credit for anything!

MI: Credit for what exactly.

PP: Who the hell do you think invented Grunge?  That was me! I used to hang with Kurt Cobain and he liked my look.  I remember him saying, “I’m going to steal your look and cut you in on the action.” But then he was killed by Dave Grohl before he could give me my money.

MI: Wait. You’re saying Dave Grohl killed Kurt Cobain?

PP: Planned the whole thing so he could steal my money. Cheap, ruthless murdering SOB.

MI: That’s quite an accusation. Do you –

PP: And that’s not all. I found the Higgs boson. Do I get credit for my contributions to science? No.

MI: Higgs boson was you?

PP: And those mini Heineken kegs  you can fit in your fridge. Also my idea. 

MI:Wow. I had no idea you were so accomplished.

PP: I get no respect!

[Pigpen from the Grateful Dead enters] 

I am the only pigpen

I am the only pigpen

PPFGD: Hey Manhattan Infidel. Sorry I’m late for my interview.

PP:What? What the hell? This is MY interview!

MI: Sorry. I booked you both. I thought it would be more interesting.

PP: I tell you I don’t get no respect.

PPFGD: That’s Rodney Dangerfield’s line.

PP: F*ck you.

PPFGD: Harsh man. Harsh.

PP: I’m out of here. You’ll all pay. Just like Dave Grohl will.

[He leaves]

MI: So it looks like it’s just the two of us.

PPFGD: Care to share a bottle of Southern Comfort with me and listen to some blues?

MI: Sounds good to me. Just keep an eye out for that dirty Pig-Pen fellow.

[Pig-Pen reenters]

PP: I heard that. F*ck all of you and your clean privilege.

And so ended my interview. This is Manhattan Infidel still living the clean privilege lifestyle.


2 Responses

  1. LSP says:

    I didn’t know PP was a muslim. But it makes sense. Neat that you got to visit with PPFGD. Nice.

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