“Well boys it’s a round ball and a round bat and you got to hit the ball square.” ~ Joe Schultz, manager of the Seattle Pilots, 1969.
On Saturday I went to see the Yankees play interleague baseball against the Colorado “What else were we gonna call ourselves? The Colorado move along nothing to see here” Rockies.
The Yankees started CC Sabathia (10-4 3.25). The Rockies started Aaron Cook (0-3 5.48).
CC was dominant, erasing the memory of his subpar June.
The Yankees got on the board in the bottom of the first. Brett “No I’m not balding. I wear my hair this short because it looks good” Gardner led off with a single and then stole second. Curtis Granderson singled and reached second on Right Fielder Eric Young’s fielding error. Gardner scored on the error. After a Teixeira ground out Alex Rodriguez singled home Granderson. 2-0 Yankees after one.
In the bottom of the third Granderson led off with a single. Teixiera doubled him to third. Rodriguez then doubled them both home. After AROD reached third on a fielder’s choice Nick “The bleacher creatures love me and won’t turn on me if I don’t start producing” Swisher hit a sacrifice fly to center that scored AROD. 5-0 Yankees after three.
The Yankees scored again in the bottom of the six as Swisher led off with a double. The next batter up, Jorge “My ears wiggle when I’m angry” Posada doubled him home. 6-0 Yankees after six.
The Rockies finally scored in the eighth. After Matt Pagnozzi led off with a single and reached third on consecutive ground outs Seth Smith, pinch hitting for Todd Helton singled him home.
The Yankees scored again in the bottom of the eighth. After Brett Gardner walked and Curtis Granderson flied out Mark Teixeira hit a deep home run to right field. How deep? I am in the front row of the bleachers and the ball landed in the last row of the box seats in right field. It was the closest I’ve ever gotten to getting a ball. If it had been a few feet higher it would have landed right in my hands. Okay, so I a) would have dropped it or b) been beaten savagely by the other fans trying for the ball. But a poor blogger can dream.
8-1 Yankees after eight.
Sabathia was then pulled after allowing seven hits and one run while walking one and striking out nine, becoming the first pitcher the majors to win ten games.
The Rockies scored twice in the ninth off of reliever Buddy “Not Brian Cashman’s best buy” Carlyle.
Final Score: Yankees 8 Rockies 3.
Notes on the game:
The Yankees continued their tradition of “Useless Giveaway” day. In Saturday’s case it was a lunchbox. 
In keeping with the ’70s school theme during the seventh inning stretch all fans were given ten minutes to eat a stale, small, rectangular slice of pizza. 
Then we were hustled outside to play dodgeball. I was hit in the nuts. 
I hate dodgeball. I can understand why schools want to ban it. It interferes with self-esteem.
Of course this series also saw the return to Yankee Stadium of Jason Giambi (pictured here). 
Because Giambi was so popular in New York all children 12 and under were given a syringe with an accompanying DVD with instructions on where exactly on the fleshy part of the ass to insert the needle. Giambi left the game in the eighth inning to consume a small child. 
As I write this (Sunday afternoon) the Yankees have just defeated the Rockies, allowing them to hold onto their 1/2 game lead in the AL East over the abomination of desolation (Bahstahn.)
Alex Rodriguez left the game in the seventh inning because of soreness in his knee. And to collect his social security benefits.
Best heckle of the game: I tried but my heckle of “All you need is love. And duct tape. And a crawl space that’s sound proof so the pesky neighbors won’t hear anything” didn’t fire up the crowd. In fact, people moved away from me. Who know New Yorkers’ could be so intolerant of alternative lifestyles.
Recommended reading material:
The New York Irish, edited by Ronald H. Baylor and Timothy J. Meagher.
Reader mail:
D.B. of Philadelphia writes, “I’m not getting out of the f#$#ing pool. F%&* you!”
I guess Philadelphians are just selfish that way.
L.K. of New Jersey writes, “I was DJing a house party for a fraternity and all these college girls kept hitting on me and trying to take me back to their rooms. I resisted of course.”
What? You are dead to me sir.
The (in)famous M.B. of Brooklyn writes, “I’m thinking of transferring my allegiance from the Yankees to the Red Sox.”
Wow. That’s just wrong. Wrong! Bad M.B.! Bad M.B.!
M.B. of Brooklyn also writes, “I never said that. Stop putting words in my mouth!”
M.B. of Brooklyn also writes, “Sometimes I like to flash people.”
M.B. of Brooklyn also writes, “What the hell did I just tell you? Stop putting words in my mouth. Seriously. I own a crossbow. I will hunt you down. Shoot you. Gut you. Stuff you and mount you on my wall. Bitch!”
Wow. I apologize for M.B. readers. She lives in Brooklyn. And as everyone is aware, Brooklyn is a far less civilized place than Manhattan.
My record at Yankee games this years stands at a very impressive 8-0. My next game is Sunday July 10th against the Tampa Bay Rays.
Go Yankees!
(729)
Middle Earth has applied to the European Union for a bailout. Faced with mounting deficits caused by out of control entitlement spending, and afraid of the reaction of its citizens if spending is cut, the kingdoms of Rohan and Gondor have asked the EU for emergency loans to forestall defaulting on its debt.
a mysterious and despised figure. Said one resident of Middle Earth:
