New York Legalizes Gay Divorce

alimony for all!New York Governor Andrew Cuomo today signed a landmark bill that would make New York the first state in the Union to legalize the controversial practice of gay divorce.

“It’s a civil rights issue” said the Governor as he signed the bill.   “Like blacks during the ’60s we must acknowledge the new civil rights movement and give gays the same freedoms breeders enjoy.  And divorce is one of those rights.”

While gay civil disunions have been long recognized in many states New York’s action will open the floodgate of anxious gay ex-couples looking to legally dissolve their relationship.

One gay man who had waited all  night outside a divorce lawyer’s office wept at the news.

I never thought I’d see this day.  The breeders think they are special.  I got rights too!  A breeder friend of mine was complaining that he got taken to the cleaners by his wife’s divorce attorney.  All my life I’ve wanted to take someone to the cleaners.  And now I can!  I’m going to take him for everything he has.  The place on Fire Island, his Lady Gaga CDs. Everything.   Thank you Andrew Cuomo!

In a sign of New York’s triumph of inclusiveness, lines snaked around divorce lawyers’ offices all over the city.

“I was hoping to be first in line but someone beat me to it” said one  man.  “I can’t wait until I have that piece of paper in my hand that says I’m free.  My soon-to-be ex husband?  That bitch.  I don’t care what he does.”

While Cuomo basks in his triumph other groups are hoping to get in on the inclusiveness bandwagon.  A group calling itself “Zombies for Marriage Equality” picketed outside the Governor’s offices.

“Zombies need loving too” said one.

“You want to talk about the undead – meet my girlfriend’s mother” said another zombie.

Another group, “Klingons for forehead ridge equality” handed out leaflets.

Governor Cuomo has promised that all these groups will get a fair shake in his administration. All except the Cardassians of course.

“Screw the Cardassians.  They have funny necks” said the Governor.



7 Responses

  1. Cuomo simply can’t afford to alienate the Bajoran vote by getting too close to the Cardassians.

  2. Jeez! maybe it’s time to begin thinking of starting a second career as a divorce attorney. There is going to be a lot of money to be made in gay divorces, don’t you think?

  3. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Shamus: Well, traditionally Bajorans do vote Democrat while the Cardassians vote Republican.

    Jim: There was an article along such lines in one of today’s local New York City papers. The divorce lawyers are giddy.

  4. eots says:

    …Mmm… I kinda don’t think much money is to be made in either gay divorces or marriages… That’s what my crystal ball says anyways… Call me a cynical bitch…

  5. Manhattan Infidel says:

    EOTS: you could be correct. But I’m sure that won’t stop people from trying to make money off of it.

  6. Matt says:

    Hell, wait until they try to pass Klingon divorce. I think they’ll have to repeal laws against dueling.

  7. Judy Lukose says:

    I’m very excited about the new changes that are going to be brough about – especially the new case law. How will courts handle issues of custody, child support and paternity in gay marriages? For example, will a non-custodial parent, not the biological, be required to play child support?

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