An Open Letter From Al Gore

I can have zeee cheeseburgers!As part of my continuing series where I allow guest posts I now turn the pages of Manhattan Infidel over to the distinguished former Vice President of the United States, Al Gore.

Thank you Manhattan Infidel.  I appreciate the chance to reach your readers and I thank you for being a supporter of mine, a believer in climate change and an avid buyer of carbon credits.

Note:  I am none of these.  I just told him that so he would stop eating cheeseburgers on my couch.

I want to take this opportunity to address a few words to our President, Barack Obama.  We voted for you for hope and change.  Instead you have failed in your responsibility to inform Americans of the magnitude of the global warming climate crisis.

We are destroying the climate balance that is essential to the survival of our civilization.  The U.S. is the only  nation (well,  maybe Canada) that can rally a global effort to save our future.  And the President is the only person who can rally the U.S. (well, except for Canada.)

Reality is on my side.  The scientific facts, the scientific consensus on human-caused global warming is greater than it has ever been.  The right-wing media pay too much attention to so-called climate skeptics, who are actually nothing more than science skeptics. 

From my mansion in Tennessee I hear the cries of our wounded Earth as it struggles against global warming.  Well, technically I do not hear the cries of our wounded Earth since I have central air conditioning at my  place.  It drowns out all other noises. I like to keep it a comfy 65 degrees.  But that’s just me.

As I said before reality is on my side.  Also on my side are these 12 cheeseburgers beside me.  Using these delicious cheeseburgers I am going to demonstrate first hand the danger of climate change.  I am going to eat all these until I release trapped methane gases within me.  Mmm.  These are delicious.  Keep it coming.  Mmm. Those first four burgers went down smooth.  Notice my technique.  I dunk them in water and then wolf the burgers down in one bite.  It’s a competitive eating trick.  Mmm.  Ten burgers down two to go.  I can feel trapped methane gases within me about to be released.  Yes.  Yes.  Wait for it.  Ah.  Wait for it.  Oh god….ahhhhhhh.  That felt good. 

Now didn’t you feel the climate change?  Is it warmer in here?  Well  that’s what global warming is all about.  So I ask you Mr. President, as one Nobel prize winner to another, use your bully pulpit to destroy, I mean, save our way of life.

Thank you.

Once again I’d like to thank Mr. Gore for dropping by and guest posting on my humble blog.  Now get the hell off my couch.  I’m going to have to fumigate that!


7 Responses

  1. Algre wouldn’t be so happy if he was eating Double Downs, that’s for goddamn sure.

  2. Al Gore was Vice president of these United States? I always thought that was a plastic mannequin that Clinton played with.

  3. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Shamus: What is your secret? Do you dip the double downs in water first? Do you consume them whole? Is it mind over matter?

    Jim: No you’re thinking of Monica Lewinsky.

  4. Karen Howes says:

    I think I would have fumigated my couch anyway if Al Gore sat on it– regardless of whether he released methane farts or not.

  5. Manhattan Infidel says:

    KH: What is Al promised to put his methane gas in a “lock box”?

  6. Matt says:

    Did the Goracle give you a ride in his private jet?

  7. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Matt: No. Only the elite get to ride on the Goreplane.

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