Middle Earth Faces Default

A map of once-peaceful and prosperous Middle EarthMiddle Earth has applied to the European Union for a bailout.  Faced with mounting deficits caused by out of control entitlement spending, and afraid of the reaction of its citizens if spending is cut, the kingdoms of Rohan and Gondor have asked the EU for emergency loans to forestall defaulting on its debt.

In addition to the bailout the twin kingdoms have asked NATO to intervene and stop an ascendant Mordor from violating its borders. For generations Rohan and Gondor have cut their defense budgets to help pay for entitlements.

“They are reaping the fruits of socialism” said a conservative commentator.

As Middle Earth endured its second week of rioting European finance ministers met in an emergency session to address the crisis.  Many in the EU are hesitant to give more funding to Middle Earth, citing the lowering of their bond rating by Moody’s Investor Services.  However those favoring the bailout feel that they have no choice.

“If Middle Earth defaults the crisis could spread to Europe” commented a finance minister.

After much deliberation the EU agreed to lend Middle Earth emergency funds but only if they agreed to drastically cut entitlement spending.  This of course has led to the riots as citizens took to the streets overturning cars, setting fires and beating up the minority dwarves. I just want to  live in peace damn you!

Many in Middle Earth blame the crisis on Gollum, Gollum - capitalist pig! a mysterious and despised figure.  Said one resident of Middle Earth:

Yeah, a real drag he is.  He’s always going on and on about some damned ring.  But we know what he really means. He hates black people.

Others blame Gollum for bringing the scourge of capitalism to Middle Earth.

We had a nice place we did.  Then he came along.  Look at him.  Beady eyes, emaciated.  He’s been infected with the sickness of capitalism. And he wants to turn our worker’s paradise into a capitalist empire.

News of the terms of the bailout and the mandatory spending cuts remain controversial in Middle Earth. One man who had just set fire to a car told reporters that

The EU can keep their damn money. They better not take away my free healthcare.  And I had better be able to retire at 59!!

Meanwhile Mordor has massed its troops at the border and seems intent on starting a full-scale war.

NATO has pledged to begin flyovers of Middle Earth to prevent Mordor from slaughtering civilians but stresses that their role will be only temporary.

“In the end, it’s up to Rohan and Gondor to save themselves.”


5 Responses

  1. Rohan and Gondor are officially doomed.

  2. I volunteer to send Obama to Middle Earth. He will bring them hope and change.

  3. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Shamus: I don’t know. Maybe a massive stimulus package…..okay….they’re doomed.

    Jim: I thought Gollum was Obama?

  4. fleeceme says:

    I call bogus. I saw all the movies (and read the books) and I don’t remember seeing a car in any of them.

  5. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Fleeceme: I dunno. I distinctly remember Gandalf driving a Prius.

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