Bear Shits in Woods; Climate of Hate Blamed

This rage filled bear constitutes a threat to the body politicToday a bear relieved himself in the woods. Across America panicked citizens called into talk radio and asked what it meant.

On Mike Malloy’s progressive talk radio shot Malloy talked about the day’s events.

I think the fact that this bear has seen fit to relieve himself in the woods can be laid at the feet of John Boehner.  Obviously the climate of hatred that Boehner and the Republicans spew out every day made this bear feel that he could do this with no repercussions.  I just thank god that no one, except for the innocent vegetation shat upon was hurt.  And I hope Boehner rots in hell.

Senate majority leader Harry Reid (D-NV) told reporters that the bear’s relieving itself was not a “spontaneous act” but that it was “obviously preplanned.  Perhaps it’s symptomatic of the inherent racism of American wildlife.  Would this bear have shit in the woods if a black man weren’t in the White House?”

Reid then introduced legislation to set up special “low-flow” environmentally friendly toilets throughout the wild for the bears.

At the White House an energized and masculine President Obama, muscles bulging and with manly socialist testosterone coursing through his system ordered a Navy seal team to kill the bear, wisely avoiding the advice of extremists who wanted the bear water boarded.

Several helicopters carrying the Navy seal team located the bear and, during a 40-minute firefight shot and killed the bear.  To avoid having fellow bears use his grave as a shrine the bear’s body was anointed in compliance with bear customs and dumped in an area of the Pacific now known as “The Ocean of Bear Martyrs.”

Curiously no photos of the dead bear were released, presumably so as to not further inflame the bear community.

“It’s all about outreach” said the President.  “I want bears to know that we are not at war with them.  Well, except for the polar bears who can all go the hell.”

Because of the decisive way in which President Obama handled the public-shitting bear menace many in the media now feel that he is virtually unbeatable in 2012.

“I’d like to see a Republican try to beat this black magic man” said Joe Scarborough on his morning talk show.  “While the Republicans dither about deficits our President is protecting us from our enemies.”

A spokesbear for the bear community has vowed to continue shitting in the woods.  He also denied being in touch with Sarah Palin.


6 Responses

  1. Karen Howes says:

    Everyone knows that polar bears (white) are racist against brown and black bears.

  2. Wait until Obama sees where the elephant is going to shit in November of 2012.

  3. Manhattan Infidel says:

    KH: I like black bears. I just don’t want them living in my neighborhood.

    Jim: That’s going to be a nasty one.

  4. Matt says:

    I think they need to go through all of Sarah Palin’s emails to see if she told the bear to shit in the woods.

  5. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Matt: I’m sure Sarah Palin was behind the whole thing. Unless it was michelle bachman of course.

  6. MK says:


    That SEAL team is so busy these days, i hope they get paid really well.

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