4 Nov 11

Scandal Rocks Star Fleet!

Star Fleet, already hit by budget cuts was further rocked today when it was announced that Captain James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise and several top officers have been indicted for dereliction of duty.

“We were all shocked” said a Star Fleet Admiral. “Kirk was one of our youngest and brightest officers. He had a bright future ahead of him.”

Even if found not guilty Kirk’s career is most likely over.

Star Fleet first suspected that all was not well when Kirk decided to ignore orders and visit Orion in search of green women. Surveillance tapes record this exchange between Kirk and his First Officer Mr. Spock:

Spock: To ignore orders to search for green women is highly illogical.

Kirk: Oh grow a pair Mr. pointy ears.

The Enterprise spent a week in orbit around Orion where Kirk allegedly beamed down every night to “sample” green women. Kirk contracted a sexually transmitted disease on the planet which made him grow lesions and turned his testicles green. Months later while officiating at a peace conference Kirk admitted to Spock that he was distracted.

“My goddamn balls are green! And they itch. And they smell. How am I going to explain this?”

The peace conference failed.

Kirk is also accused of failing to impose discipline on board the Enterprise. Specifically the ban on alcoholic beverages. Security footage caught Chief Engineer Montgomery Scott in an apparent advanced state of intoxication:

There are also reports of rampant use of powerful hallucinogenics by the crew, particularly by First Officer Spock. At one point Spock, high on LSD, attacked Captain Kirk on the bridge and had to be subdued.

“Spock had a lot of issues” said an officer who prefers to remain anonymous. “As a half-breed he was in a lot of pain and used the drugs to dull it.”

Nor was the drug use confined to Spock. Kirk and other officers apparently ran a drug ring on board the ship and would forcibly inject people to make them dependent on Kirk’s supply (which he sold at exorbitant prices.)

Kirk made it a habit when visiting planets to “strong-arm” the residents into paying him a monthly tribute in direct violation of Star Fleet protocol which bans any such sort of remuneration.

Said Bela Oxmyx of Sigma Lotia II, “He called himself ‘The Godfather’ whatever that means and he said that if I did him a favor one day he would return it.”

Kirk also violated Star Fleet’s “Don’t ask don’t tell” policy by openly engaging in anal rape on several occasions.

If convicted of all counts Captain Kirk faces a minimum of ten years in a Star Fleet prison. Kirk for his part denies all charges and blames the accusations on antisemitism by top Star Fleet brass.

Star Fleet has issued a statement saying that they are “saddened by the events but that they are an aberration. Our officers are very dedicated and young men and women should not be discouraged from choosing Star Fleet as a career.”

Kirk’s trial begins next week.

(744)

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3 Nov 11

Occupy Wall Street Welcomes New Corporate Sponsor

November 3rd 2011. For immediate release:

The executive subcommittee of the committee of the Sub Executive committee of Occupy Wall Street is proud to announce our first of we hope many more corporate sponsors: Dynamack Suction Device Penis Pumps.

In our consuming struggle against capitalism we recognize the need to raise money. While thankful for our parents for sending us underwear and pretzels this was not enough. The forces of Wall Street are arrayed against us. The evil 1% even have the forces of nature working for them as last weekend they sent racist snow showers into our encampment of hope.

And so the struggle enters a new level. We here in the epicenter are warmed by the support we are getting from the majority of Americans. But mostly from the few heaters we have left that we hid from the FDNY during last week’s illegal search.

Buoyed by the t-shirts and pumps provided by Dynamack Suction Device Penis Pumps we promise to be here the entire winter until our demands are met and money is abolished. I think that’s one of our demands. But anyway to the racist NYPD we say: Watch out. Try and enter our community and we will beat you back with outrage and pumps!

November 3rd, 2011. For immediate release:

We here at Dynamack Suction Device Penis Pumps are proud to announce our new partnership with Occupy Wall Street.

Whether sitting under your tent all day doing nothing, playing the drums all day while doing nothing or simply defecating on a stranger’s doorstep between sitting under your tent all day doing nothing or drumming all day doing nothing you deserve the biggest penis you can have. Bigger. Thicker. Longer. Have more confidence. Be laughed at no more! Dynamack Suction Device Penis Pumps promise an increase in girth or your money back. Offer available in continental United States only.

November 3rd 2011. For immediate release:

The sub executive committee of the committee of the Executive sub committee of Occupy Wall Street denounce the decision of the executive subcommittee of the committee of the sub executive committee to enter into a partnership with Dynamack Suction Device Penis Pumps.

This decision on their part was made arbitrarily and without consulting us at the sub executive committee of the committee of the Executive sub committee of Occupy Wall Street.

We have already entered into a corporate partnership with Ex-lax.

November 3rd 2011. For immediate release:

Ex-lax is proud to announce it now sponsors Occupy Wall Street.

Whether sitting around all day doing nothing or playing the drums all day doing nothing you deserve to have the ability to regularly defecate on a strangers’ doorstep with confidence. No more embarrassing squatting with nothing to show for it. Ex-lax for regularity! Now available in pineapple flavor! Offer valid in continental United States only.

Ex-lax is not affiliated with Dynamack Suction Device Penis Pumps.

(400)

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2 Nov 11

Manhattan Infidel Addresses Allegations of Sexual Harrassment

Well it was bound to happen. First Herman Cain gets targeted by the left. Now yours truly, the humble blogger known as Manhattan Infidel has had to defend himself against allegations of sexual harassment.

A story in Politico states that I, the Manhattan Infidel while ~~President of a global company, Vice President of a publishing company based in New York City, manager of his department,~~ on a job interview did sexually harass a woman.

I will now address these false and baseless allegations.

Keep in mind that this incident happened 15 years ago. It was the nineties and like most people during that heady decade I would often wake up in a park, naked, next to a deer whose neck I had broken and whose blood I had drank, so my memory may be faulty. But here it goes:

As I remember I approached a woman and said,”You’re the same height as my wife.”

She responded, “But you’re not married.”

I replied, “This is true. Would you like to see my penis?”

And that, readers, was the alleged incident. I ask you, is this “sexual harassment?”

What has happened to American society where a simple question like that is considered “hostile”? Is it my fault she found the work environment intimidating?

We have lost something as a society. Toughness. Self-reliance. The right to show women your penis without having them accuse you of harassment.

My conscience is clear. I am not aware of anything else I might have done to this woman. Well, I did ask her if she was into midgets but I was just trying to find out what her interests were.

And I might have said, “Not for nothing but I got oils you know.” But that could be interpreted any number of ways.

And I think I did mention autoerotic asphyxiation, Jim Nabors and John Wayne Gacy but that’s just because I have varied interests.

And I might have shown her some photos of me dressed as Dolly Madison but those photos were from when I was a member of a dinner theater outside Poughquag, New York.

But I don’t expect my loyal readers to take my word for it. I am fortunate enough to have two fellow bloggers who will act as character witnesses for me:

King Shamus writes, “I got oils too. But now my skin is breaking out and I keep sliding all over the place.”

Innominatus writes, “I agreed to dress up as Wham! on Halloween with you. But why do I have to be Andrew Ridgeley?”

So you see. I am innocent.

The Manhattan Infidel

This post paid for by the “Let Manhattan Infidel Show People his Penis” defense fund.

(347)

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1 Nov 11

Democratic National Committee Responds to Accusations of Anti-Semitism at Occupy Wall Street

Debbie Wasserman Shultz, chairwoman of the Democratic National Committee today responded to charges that the Occupy Wall Street movement is rife with antisemitism.

These persistent charges of antisemitism are so typical of the right wing in America right now. They will do anything to discredit the message of Occupy Wall Street. A message that the overwhelming majority of Americans support. Now, I don’t know exactly what that message is but I can assure you it isn’t antisemitic in any way, shape or form. These noble young people who have given up the comforts of their parents’ houses to brave the elements are expressing their anger at, um, something. But they are not antisemitic. Oh sure the majority want the Zionist state of Israel destroyed but that doesn’t mean they hate Jews. Just Zionists. Did I mention I’m clinically insane?

Standing in front of a protester holding a sign that said “Zionist pigs control Wall Street” Wasserman Shultz told reporters that she is “deeply ashamed of the right wing in America” and blamed them for lowering the civil discourse in the country.

What we need, what our country desires most of all, are politicians who will put their country ahead of their party. What we needs are patriots who will discuss the issues without resorting to cheap attacks on their opponents. If only the racist, irresponsible teabaggers would listen instead of calling for the assassination of Democrats.

She then shook hands with a member of the executive committee of Occupy Wall street who was holding a sign that said, “Hitler was right!”

I know what the teabaggers are going to say. That this sign shows that the Occupiers are antisemitic. Nothing can be further from the truth. This sign instead points out what they are protesting. Whatever that is. And America supports their message. Whatever that may be.

Wasserman Shultz ended her foray at Zuccotti Park by posing for pictures with a group of protesters holding signs that said “Bring back the gas chamber for Zionists!”

Some of you are looking at this sign. Again. Not antisemitism. But I fully expect those racist teabaggers, who are the real antisemites to use this sign shamelessly in campaign commercials for that fake negro and notorious antisemite Herman Cain. So to sum up. Teabaggers evil racist antisemites. Herman Cain. Fake negro. Occupy Wall Street. A message of something all good Americans support. So let’s together elevate the political discourse and not act like stupid Republicans. Thank you.

She then unveiled the DNC’s official 2012 Presidential campaign slogan: “Occupy Wall Street and the Democrats. Together we support something. Free stuff I think.”

(340)

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31 Oct 11

The Manhattan Infidel Guide to First Date Etiquette

Because I care about my loyal readers and want to see them happy I now present the official Manhattan Infidel Guide to First Date Etiquette. Just follow my advice. Trust me. You will never get a date, I mean, never have to go on a first date again.

Dress with finesse. Think carefully about your wardrobe for a first date. Whatever you do, do not wear a suit. This says to the woman that you are a capitalist pig. No woman wants to date a capitalist pig. Do what I do. I show up in sweat pants and a t-shirt that says, “Suck it. Oh yeah, like that.” Don’t be afraid to show off your whimsical side. Make a point of drawing attention to your t-shirt during the meal. Say something along the lines of “Listen to the t-shirt if you know what I mean honey. Hey, I paid for your meal. I expect it.”
Perfect the proper greeting. When you greet your date at the abandoned street corner address you have given her have flowers in your hand. Let her know that the flowers are not for her. “I have a date after this. Just keeping my options open honey.” Women will appreciate your honesty. Make a point of mentioning her appearance. Say something such as “Wow. You look totally different than your photo. I guess there is a reason you only photographed yourself from the neck up. Is it a glandular issue?”
Charm her with your manners. When you sit down at your table in the restaurant if your date attempts to order first, cut her off. “Hey, what the hell are you doing? I order first. I’m the man. I’m more important!” When leaving the restaurant there may be an awkward moment when you both stand in front of the doors. She might be expecting you to open the door for her. Do not. Instead say, “Don’t just stand there. Open the f#*#%ing door!” She will appreciate this as it shows that you are a take charge man and not some mamby-pamby mama’s boy.
Order with panache. Ordering is more than the utility of requesting food. It is a way of opening up the conversation. If the server returns while you are still looking at the menu say, “I’ve made up my mind but she’s still looking. Yeah, I know. Women!” Point out what you cannot eat. “I”m lactose intolerant so no dairy products. You don’t want me farting away when your down there, do you?” She will appreciate your openness.
Bid her goodnight in grand style. If the date was a flop a quick finish with a polite handshake, a brief hug or oral sex is expected. Be simple: “There are some bushes over there where we can do it. You brought condoms, right?” However never make false promises for the sake of propriety: “I’ll call you again when I need it” is not good manners. Text her when you need it instead. And remember, always drive her home. Unless it’s out of your way. You’re a man and your time is valuable. Leave her at a bus stop. At night. By an abandoned warehouse.

And there you have it readers. Follow my advice and you’ll have women beating down your door. Usually they will be armed but that’s just because they like you.

(452)

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28 Oct 11

Burger King Negotiates as Rebels Advance; Throne in Jeopardy

King Burger, divine right ruler of the land of BurgerKingdomia has entered into negotiations with rebels seeking to end the monarchy and establish a BurgerKingdomia republic.

The brutal guerrilla war that has raged in the kingdom the past three years has taken thousands of lives. The Burger King’s own hand-picked forces, dubbed “The Black and Tan Whoppers” because of the color of their uniforms are notoriously unpopular in the kingdom because of their role in torturing captured enemy combatants from the Burger King Republican Brotherhood.

“They’ve yanked our fingernails off. They’ve placed electrodes on our genitals. They’ve served us burgers without the pickle. Where’s the humanity” said one rebel fighter.

The two sides have fought to a standstill making negotiations necessary for a permanent solution to the problem of the future political makeup of the Kingdom of Burgerland.

Negotiations so far have stalled because of the Burger King Republican Brotherhood’s demand that King Burger resign and that the country become a republic, something the king has vowed will happen “only over my dead body.”

King Burger’s counter proposal would create the “Burger Free State” where he would continue to reign albeit as a constitutional monarch. The rebels would set up their own government but would have to pledge an oath of loyalty to the king.

Many observers of the war believe that the King’s demands are a wily move of a master political operative.

“They don’t call the Burger King a whopper for nothing” said an analyst.

The Burger King knows (or hopes) that his offer will split the rebels into two factions: the realists who will accept the Burger Free State and the die hards who want an independent republic. Already the provisional assembly of the rebels has voted 62-57 to accept the Burger King’s offer. The die hards, who have dubbed themselves the Burger King Republican Army walked out of the parliament after the vote. Indeed, a split now seems inevitable, allowing the Burger King to take advantage and rebuild his strength.

However despite the seeming split in the rebel forces many insist that it is only temporary and the rebels will once again regroup and drive the Burger King from the land.

“We’ve come so far and accomplished so much to let this come between us” said a rebel commander.

If the rebels rally and drive him from his throne the Burger King says he is prepared. Sitting in his office and eating a double BK stacker King Burger said, “If I lose the throne I can always do Dancing With the Stars.”

No word on what would happen to the King’s secret police if that happens.

(491)

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27 Oct 11

My Exclusive Interview with Vice President Joe Biden

Here at the world wide headquarters ~~opium den in the lower east side~~ of Manhattan Infidel I have had the chance to interview many movers and shakers ~~but mostly the voices in my head.~~ Today I am excited to present my exclusive interview with the Vice President of the United States, Joe Biden.

MI: Good afternoon Mr. Vice President. It is a pleasure to have the opportunity to interview you.

Joe Biden: Thank you. I’m a big fan of your show.

MI: My….my show?

Joe Biden: Yes I watch it every night. Unless Mrs. Obama tells me to go to my room. I don’t like her. She’s mean.

MI: Okay.

Joe Biden: Where are the cameras? I must say you look much different in person Mr Sharpton.

MI: Um, I’m not Al Sharpton and I don’t have a TV show. I’m the Manhattan Infidel and I have a blog.

Joe Biden: Ouch. Tough break. I had a blog once. Every time I urinated I cried. The doctor had to remove it. Did you know that most blogs pass easily. But if they are larger it’s like shooting a cannonball out of your penis.

MI: Let’s get on with the interview. I’d like to ask you about your controversial statement –

Joe Biden: About Pennsylvania being a haven for vampires?

MI: No, about –

Joe Biden: The alphabet being invented by Justin Bieber?

MI: No, I mean your comments on –

Joe Biden: The bottom of the Atlantic Ocean harboring a race of super intelligent gill-breathing mutant midgets?

MI: Well, actually that’s not that controversial. Everyone knows they are down there. No, what I want to talk about are your comments on the jobs bill and rape.

Joe Biden: Exactly. Pass the jobs bill or rape will continue to rise.

MI: That’s a remarkable statement. I don’t see the correlation.

Joe Biden: I have personally witnessed a super intelligent gill-breathing mutant midget commit rape over his anger that the jobs bill hasn’t passed.

MI: Why didn’t you stop him?

Joe Biden: I’m Joe Biden.

MI: Good point.

Joe Biden: I meant that as Vice President I only have one Constitutional duty – to sit in my office and watch Gilligan’s Island. It’s right there in the ninth article of the Constitution. Mr. Obama told me so.

MI: The Constitution only has seven articles.

Joe Biden: Math is hard!

MI: Let’s get back to your comments on rape.

Joe Biden: Republicans are the party of rape!

MI: That’s exactly what I want to talk about.

Joe Biden: Do you have any ice cream?

MI: Not on me. No.

Joe Biden: I like ice cream. Sometimes when I eat it too fast my head hurts.

MI: A brain freeze.

Joe Biden: Mr. Obama told me that when that happens a woman is being raped because the jobs bill didn’t pass.

MI: Okay. I see this interview isn’t going anywhere.

Joe Biden: Can I go now? The other kids have recess now and I want to play with them. I just wish they would stop choosing me last for their teams.

MI: I guess you can go now.

Joe Biden: Thanks Mr. Sharpton! Bye. Good luck with your blogs. I hope yours aren’t too painful.

And so ended my interview with the distinguished Vice President of the United States. And you super intelligent gill-breathing mutant midgets better stay the hell away from me.

(582)

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26 Oct 11

The Pastoral Constitution of the Democratic Party (Part Five)

Part five will be the conclusion ~~I ran out of weed~~ of my groundbreaking look at the Democratic ~~Church~~ Party. I wish to thank my sources ~~dealers~~ who at great risk to themselves ~~watch out for undercover agents~~ provided me with documents ~~this shit is strong.~~

Fostering of Socialism and Establishment of a Community of Nations

In our generation, which has been marked by the persistent and acute hardships and anxiety resulting from the ravages of war and the threat of war, the whole human and woman and transgendered race faces a moment of supreme crisis in its advance towards socialism.

Nature of Socialism

Socialism is more than the absence of capitalism. It cannot be reduced to a maintenance of a balance of power between the evil rich capitalists and the suffering proletariat. It is the right ordering of things and must be actualized by man thirsting after an ever more perfect reign of socialist justice.

Socialism cannot be obtained on Earth unless people freely share and redistribute their riches.

Insofar as all men are selfish the threat of capitalism hangs over them and will continue to do so until the coming of the socialist workers’ paradise through the Democratic Party.

Curbing the Savagery of War

On the question of warfare there are various international conventions, signed by many countries, aimed at rendering military action and its consequences less inhuman. These agreements must be honored. Especially if they come from the United Nations, which we owe supreme obedience and loyalty towards.

All those who enter military service in loyalty to the United States should be looked upon as fools. Probably Republicans. For the United States is the leading cause of war in the world. It is wrong to use military force under any circumstances. Unless, of course, a Democrat is in the White House in which case the war will have noble ends.

Establishing Socialism

If socialism is to be established the first condition is to root out the causes of discord among men or women or transgendered: capitalism and economic injustice.

The present solidarity of mankind calls for greater concentration of economic power and policies in the Federal Government.

The establishment of an authentic socialist order can only come about by abolishing capitalism and profit, nationalistic ambitions, greed for political domination on the part of Republicans, schemes of military strategy and intrigues for spreading and imposing capitalistic ideologies.

The Democratic Party exhorts all men or women or transgendered to beware of all solutions to our current economic distress, whether uttered in public or in private, which reek of capitalism and oppose the natural principles of the Democratic Party.

Conclusion

In virtue of its mission to enlighten the United States with the message of redistribution of wealth and gather together in one spirit without opposition men and women and transgendered of every race, creed or culture The Democratic Party asks for sincere dialogue with all who oppose it. (Except for racist teabaggers.)

In this way the United States will awaken to the lively hope of socialism and they will one day be admitted to the haven of surpassing peace and a socialist workers’ paradise in their homeland radiant with the glory of redistribution.

The End

And that friends, is the end of the Pastoral constitution of the Democratic party which I have brought to you in segments over the past few weeks. ~~Hey, Fraggle Rock is on! That shit is awesome!~~

(314)

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25 Oct 11

Paul Bunyan Target of EPA Lawsuit!

The Environmental Protection announced today that it is suing legendary lumberjack Paul Bunyan for “crimes against Earth.”

In making the announcement EPA administrator Lisa Jackson told reporters that

Bunyan has a long history of destruction against sacred mother Earth. The once pristine western wilderness has been cleared by this lumberjack. What was once beautiful untouched country is now home to people! Filthy degrading humans who act as an invasive species. And that will not be tolerated in the EPA’s America!

She then went on to list Bunyan’s crimes against the Earth:

Millions of acres of wilderness cleared through the rape of the Earth commonly known as “deforestation.“
Destruction of natural ecosystems.

Jackson then went on to detail two of Bunyan’s most egregious examples of “Earth rape.”

He (without permits or an environmental impact study) carved out the Grand Canyon by dragging his axe behind him.

He created Mt. Hood by piling rocks on top of his campfire.

Drug abuse

Because of his size (eight feet tall and 300 pounds) Mr. Bunyan has been under investigation for alleged steroid and/or HGH use.

Cruelty to animals

Mr. Bunyan’s animal companion is a blue ox. “Whoever heard of a blue ox?” demanded Ms. Jackson. Also, Mr. Bunyan is suspected of injecting Babe the Blue Ox with steroids. Mr. Bunyan also is charged with creating the Great Lakes because he needed a watering hole large enough for his ox to drink from. (Curiously Mr. Bunyan does not deny this charge.)

If the EPA’s lawsuit is successful Mr. Bunyan will most probably lose his lumberjack license. He will also have to fix his environmental damage by filling in the Grand Canyon, removing Mt. Hood and draining the Great Lakes.

Mr. Bunyan, through his lawyer, denies any intent to rape Mother Earth.

“My client is a hardworking lumberjack just trying to make a living” said his attorney.

When asked what he would do if he couldn’t be a lumberjack Bunyan said, “I don’t know. Ray Lewis said I’d make a good defensive lineman so maybe football.”

Ms. Jackson of the EPA states that bringing down Bunyan is just the first step.

“We must end the practice of logging and deforestation in America. I don’t care how many people it puts out of work!”

(1655)

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24 Oct 11

My Exclusive Interview with Samuel L. Jackson

Recently I had the chance to sit down with one of my favorite actors: the bad ass himself Samuel L. Jackson. Of all the interviews I’ve done this was the one I was most excited about. Unfortunately the experience didn’t turn out quite as I wanted.

MI: Mr. Jackson I thank you for meeting with me. I’ve been following your career for years.

SLJ: Say what motherfucker?

MI: Um. I’ve been following you –

SLJ: Following me? What for? To lynch me motherfucker?

MI: Okay, onto the first question. You were recently quoted as saying –

SLJ: Look, all brothers don’t know how to shoot guns you racist motherfucker!

MI: What? Okay let’s backtrack. What do –

SLJ: We’re going to help ourselves. And who do we not want to help us? White people!

MI: You’re just quoting lines from Die Hard with a Vengeance.

SLJ: Oh now that’s low. Even for a white motherfucker like you.

MI: If you don’t mind can you watch your language.

SLJ: You don’t understand you cracker motherfucker. I have to say motherfucker. I have a copyright on the word. Every time I say motherfucker I get paid. You understand motherfucker?

MI: Moving along. Let’s talk about your daughter. She is a producer for a sports channel –

SLJ: The motherfucker!

MI: Right. Okay. Let’s get back to the original question I was going to ask you. You recently said that it’s pretty obvious that the tea party is racist.

SLJ: That’s right motherfucker. You know what else is racist?

MI: No. What?

SLJ: Vowels. Vowels are racist motherfucker.

MI: But you’re using vowels now talking to me.

SLJ: That’s because I hate myself motherfucker.

MI: I’m going to go now.

SLJ: Hey, hey, hey, hey. I ain’t your partner. I ain’t your neighbor, your brother or your friend. I’m your total stranger.

MI: It was a pleasure meeting you.

SLJ: Pay me motherfucker!

MI: What?

SLJ: I said pay me. Do you know how many times I’ve said motherfucker in this interview? You owe me $10,000. Motherfucker. $15,000.

And here the interview ended. I distracted Mr. Jackson by asking him a riddle about going to St. Ives and meeting a man with seven wives. As he was trying to solve the riddle I ran away.

If any of my readers should happen to see Mr. Jackson please pay him. The motherfucker scares me.

(757)

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Manhattan Infidel

Now with twice the cleaning power!

Scandal Rocks Star Fleet!

Occupy Wall Street Welcomes New Corporate Sponsor

Manhattan Infidel Addresses Allegations of Sexual Harrassment

Democratic National Committee Responds to Accusations of Anti-Semitism at Occupy Wall Street

The Manhattan Infidel Guide to First Date Etiquette

Burger King Negotiates as Rebels Advance; Throne in Jeopardy

My Exclusive Interview with Vice President Joe Biden

The Pastoral Constitution of the Democratic Party (Part Five)

Paul Bunyan Target of EPA Lawsuit!

My Exclusive Interview with Samuel L. Jackson

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Last night I went through another one of my horrible experiences. Many years ago I was bitten by a werewolf. Now, whenever the full moon rises I turn into a wolf myself.

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