Here at the world wide headquarters opium den in the lower east side of Manhattan Infidel I have had the chance to interview many movers and shakers but mostly the voices in my head.  Today I am excited to present my exclusive interview with the Vice President of the United States, Joe Biden.

MI:  Good afternoon Mr. Vice President. It is a pleasure to have the opportunity to interview you.

Joe Biden:  Thank you.  I’m a big fan of your show.

MI:  My….my show?

Joe Biden:  Yes I watch it every night. Unless Mrs. Obama tells me to go to my room.  I don’t like her.  She’s mean.

MI:  Okay.

Joe Biden:  Where are the cameras?  I must say you look much different in person Mr Sharpton.

MI:  Um, I’m not Al Sharpton and I don’t have a TV show.  I’m the Manhattan Infidel and I have a blog.

Joe Biden:  Ouch.  Tough break.  I had a blog once.  Every time I urinated I cried.  The doctor had to remove it.  Did you know that most blogs pass easily.  But if they are larger it’s like shooting a cannonball out of your penis.

MI:  Let’s get on with the interview.  I’d like to ask you about your controversial statement –

Joe Biden:  About Pennsylvania being a haven for vampires?

MI:  No, about –

Joe Biden:  The alphabet being invented by Justin Bieber?

MI:  No, I mean your comments on –

Joe Biden:  The bottom of the Atlantic Ocean harboring a race of super intelligent gill-breathing mutant midgets?

MI:  Well, actually that’s not that controversial. Everyone knows they are down there.  No, what I want to talk about are your comments on the jobs bill and rape.

Joe Biden:  Exactly.  Pass the jobs bill or rape will continue to rise.

MI:  That’s a remarkable statement.  I don’t see the correlation.

Joe Biden:  I have personally witnessed a super intelligent gill-breathing mutant midget commit rape over his anger that the jobs bill hasn’t passed.

MI:  Why didn’t you stop him?

Joe Biden:  I’m Joe Biden.

MI:  Good point.

Joe Biden:  I meant that as Vice President I only have one Constitutional duty – to sit in my office and watch Gilligan’s Island.  It’s right there in the ninth article of the Constitution.  Mr. Obama told me so.

MI:  The Constitution only has seven articles.

Joe Biden:  Math is hard!

MI:  Let’s get back to your comments on rape.

Joe Biden:  Republicans are the party of rape!

MI:  That’s exactly what I want to talk about.

Joe Biden:  Do you have any ice cream?

MI:  Not on me.  No.

Joe Biden:  I like ice cream.  Sometimes when I eat it too fast my head hurts.

MI:  A brain freeze.

Joe Biden:  Mr. Obama told me that when that happens a woman is being raped because the jobs bill didn’t pass.

MI:  Okay.  I see this interview isn’t going anywhere.

Joe Biden:  Can I go now?  The other kids have recess now and I want to play with them.  I just wish they would stop choosing me last for their teams.

MI:  I guess you can go now.

Joe Biden:  Thanks Mr. Sharpton!   Bye.  Good luck with your blogs. I hope yours aren’t too painful.

And so ended my interview with the distinguished Vice President of the United States.  And you super intelligent gill-breathing mutant midgets better stay the hell away from me.

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