Recently I had the chance to sit down with one of my favorite actors: the bad ass himself Samuel L. Jackson. Of all the interviews I’ve done this was the one I was most excited about. Unfortunately the experience didn’t turn out quite as I wanted.
MI: Mr. Jackson I thank you for meeting with me. I’ve been following your career for years.
SLJ: Say what motherfucker?
MI: Um. I’ve been following you –
SLJ: Following me? What for? To lynch me motherfucker?
MI: Okay, onto the first question. You were recently quoted as saying –
SLJ: Look, all brothers don’t know how to shoot guns you racist motherfucker!
MI: What? Okay let’s backtrack. What do –
SLJ: We’re going to help ourselves. And who do we not want to help us? White people!
MI: You’re just quoting lines from Die Hard with a Vengeance.
SLJ: Oh now that’s low. Even for a white motherfucker like you.
MI: If you don’t mind can you watch your language.
SLJ: You don’t understand you cracker motherfucker. I have to say motherfucker. I have a copyright on the word. Every time I say motherfucker I get paid. You understand motherfucker?
MI: Moving along. Let’s talk about your daughter. She is a producer for a sports channel –
SLJ: The motherfucker!
MI: Right. Okay. Let’s get back to the original question I was going to ask you. You recently said that it’s pretty obvious that the tea party is racist.
SLJ: That’s right motherfucker. You know what else is racist?
MI: No. What?
SLJ: Vowels. Vowels are racist motherfucker.
MI: But you’re using vowels now talking to me.
SLJ: That’s because I hate myself motherfucker.
MI: I’m going to go now.
SLJ: Hey, hey, hey, hey. I ain’t your partner. I ain’t your neighbor, your brother or your friend. I’m your total stranger.
MI: It was a pleasure meeting you.
SLJ: Pay me motherfucker!
MI: What?
SLJ: I said pay me. Do you know how many times I’ve said motherfucker in this interview? You owe me $10,000. Motherfucker. $15,000.
And here the interview ended. I distracted Mr. Jackson by asking him a riddle about going to St. Ives and meeting a man with seven wives. As he was trying to solve the riddle I ran away.
If any of my readers should happen to see Mr. Jackson please pay him. The motherfucker scares me.
(755)
He is like Obama, lost without a script.
Jim: Motherfucker!
Yeah, I’m glad you did the interview and I hope you didn’t smell!!!!
MOTHERFUCKER.
Shamus: You motherfucker!
“SLJ: Say what motherfucker?”
Oh yeah that’s definitely SLJ. And you should be scared of him. He can be a mean motherfucker!