November 3rd 2011.  For immediate release:

The executive subcommittee of the committee of the Sub Executive committee of Occupy Wall Street is proud to announce our first of we hope many more corporate sponsors:  Dynamack Suction Device Penis Pumps.

In our consuming struggle against capitalism we recognize the need to raise money.  While thankful for our parents for sending us underwear and pretzels this was not enough.  The forces of Wall Street are arrayed against us.  The evil 1% even have the forces of nature working for them as last weekend they sent racist snow showers into our encampment of hope.

And so the struggle enters a new level.  We here in the epicenter are warmed by the support we are getting from the majority of Americans.  But mostly from the few heaters we have left that we hid from the FDNY during last week’s illegal search.

Buoyed by the t-shirts and pumps provided by Dynamack Suction Device Penis Pumps we promise to be here the entire winter until our demands are met and money is abolished.  I think that’s one of our demands.  But anyway to the racist NYPD we say:  Watch out.  Try and enter our community and we will beat you back with outrage and pumps!

November 3rd, 2011.  For immediate release:

We here at Dynamack Suction Device Penis Pumps are proud to announce our new partnership with Occupy Wall Street.

Whether sitting under your tent all day doing nothing, playing the drums all day while doing nothing or simply defecating on a stranger’s doorstep between sitting under your tent all day doing nothing or drumming all day doing nothing you deserve the biggest penis you can have.  Bigger.  Thicker. Longer.  Have more confidence.  Be laughed at no more! Dynamack Suction Device Penis Pumps promise an increase in girth or your money back.  Offer available in continental United States only.

November 3rd 2011. For immediate release:

The sub executive committee of the committee of the Executive sub committee of Occupy Wall Street denounce the decision of the executive subcommittee of the committee of the sub executive committee to enter into a partnership with Dynamack Suction Device Penis Pumps.

This decision on their part was made arbitrarily and without consulting us at the sub executive committee of the committee of the Executive sub committee of Occupy Wall Street.

We have already entered into a corporate partnership with Ex-lax.

November 3rd 2011.  For immediate release:

Ex-lax is proud to announce it now sponsors Occupy Wall Street.

Whether sitting around all day doing nothing or playing the drums all day doing nothing you deserve to have the ability to regularly defecate on a strangers’ doorstep with confidence.  No more embarrassing squatting with nothing to show for it. Ex-lax for regularity!  Now available in pineapple flavor!  Offer valid in continental United States only.

Ex-lax is not affiliated with Dynamack Suction Device Penis Pumps.

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