What did Trump know and when did he know it?

The United States came from behind and defeated Russia 5-3 at the Ice Hockey World Championship in Cologne, Germany, prompting immediate cries for Trump’s impeachment.

“What did Trump know and when did he know it” said Chuck Schumer (D-NY).

Did Trump collude with the Russians?  Did Russia interfere in the game and try to have their team win? Did Trump give Russia information about our team? The U.S. outshot Russia 35-19 but could we have had more shots if Russians didn’t know beforehand about the strengths and weaknesses of our team?  Kevin Hayes scored two goals. Could he have had three if Trump hadn’t given the Russians a dossier on him? These are questions that must be answered. That is why I am calling for a special prosecutor to investigate this so-called HockeyGate.

After the game (“match” as the more civilized Europeans call it), reporters, sensing Trump’s collusion, surrounded the Russian hockey team to demand answers.

“Did Trump give you information beforehand about our team?” said a reporter for ESPN.

On behalf of all Americans I want to apologize for our white nationalist president. But please, Russian hockey player who lives in a socialist workers paradise, DID TRUMP COLLUDE WITH THIS HOCKEY TEAM? 

Nikita Kucherov of the Russian team who was penalized for high sticking, no doubt over shame at the Trump-Russia collusion pretty much admitted what everyone knew: Trump was helping the Russians.

“I have never met President Trump” he said. “I have not colluded with him.”

Experts at MSNBC who have parsed Kucherov’s comments believe this was his veiled way of admitting guilt.

“Look the guy knows if he admits the truth when we gets back to Russia he will be killed” said MSNBC host Lawrence O’Donnell.

And that truth is Russia and President Trump are in bed together. Look at the evidence: First Trump colludes with Russia to win the presidential election. Not satisfied with that Trump fires FBI director James Comey, an impeachable offense. Then the white nationalist colludes with white nationalists in Russia to throw the hockey game to Russia. Wait, that doesn’t make sense. As a white nationalist he would have wanted the U.S. to win. But anyway my point is he colluded. We don’t have any evidence but it’s true. May impeachment proceedings begin soon so Hillary can take her rightful place as president.

Former Defense Intelligence Agency head James Clapper, interviewed on CNN, called the U.S victory over Russia “tainted.”

I have it from reliable sources that Trump went over the heads of his intelligence leaders and called Putin directly. As to what the two talked about you can bet it wasn’t trade deals or nuclear disarmament. It was hockey. I bet you Trump told Putin that he will help the Russians defeat the Americans in return for Trump assassinating Rosie O’Donnell. Evidence?  Who needs evidence. My sources, and by my sources I mean stuff I made up, believe it to be so. That is why we must impeach Trump to save our democracy.

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Anders Lee, who scored what would prove to be the winning goal for the U.S., has been subpoenaed by the House Intelligence Committee.

“We’re going to make the bastard sweat” said Committee Chairman Devin Nunes.

“He’s going to tell us all about the collusion or we’ll take his green card. What? He’s American?  Then we’ll give him a green card and then take it away!”

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