“An anonymous source in the Yankee clubhouse verifies that Trump colluded with Russia to throw the election” ~ CNN
The Yankees came home after a 3-3 road trip to face the Kansas City Athletics. Um, I mean the Kansas City Royals. The Yankees started Michael Pineda (5-2 3.35) and the Royals Jason Vargas (5-3 2.30).
The Royals took a quick lead in the top of the third. On an 0-1 count Jorge Bonifacio homered to deep left. After Jorge Soler struck out, Whit Merrifield singled. Alcides Escobar (no relation to Pablo Escobar, I don’t know where those rumors start) doubled him home. 2-0 Royals after 2 1/2.
The Yankees got a run back in the bottom of the inning when on a 2-2 pitch Brett Gardner homered to right center. 2-1 Royals after three innings.
The Yankees took the lead and never surrendered it in the bottom of the fourth when Aaron Judge walked and then reached second on a fielder’s choice after Aaron Hicks grounded out. Didi Gregorius then homered to right field. 3-2 Yankees after four innings.
The Yankees got an insurance run in the bottom of the seventh when Chris Carter didn’t strike out. Seriously. The guy struck out 206 times last year for Milwaukee. But this time he homered. 4-2 Yankees after seven innings.
And that was the final score.
Notes on the game:
A group of German tourists were sitting in the row behind me in the right field bleachers. They left after the fifth inning, no doubt to invade the left field bleachers. Because that’s what Germans do. That and surrendering to Islam.
The last time I was at Yankee stadium I had a 15 dollar 24 ounce can of Heineken. This time I had a $12.50 pint of Heineken.
It’s called #Winning! (Hey, I save $2.50!)
Perhaps to encourage the Germans at the game Angela Merkel showed up. She stayed half an inning before being brutally raped by “immigrants” of unknown origin. And by unknown origin I mean a Muslim country.
Best heckle of the game: I tried but my heckle of “Oh my god, I just panicked the Kernel” didn’t fire up the crowd. Obviously those in attendance have never had this problem with their Linux machines. They probably thought I mean this type of Colonel.
Damn Linux ignorant savages!
A.P. of Poughkeepsie writes, “Do I need to use the yppasswdd command or the password command on an NIS client?”
Et Tu, A.P.? Are you also an Linux ignorant savage?
C.H.E of the state that looks like a penis writes, “Can alligators learn Linux?”
I understand you have many alligators in your state. But no. Alligators cannot learn Linux. However many are proficient in Windows 10.
M.P.A of Confederate-sympathizing Maryland writes, “We of the south have had no more to do in the election of Mr. Lincoln than we have to do with the election of the Emperor of France. He is to us a foreign ruler.”
Please confine your comments to Linux you secessionist bastard!
Recommended reading material:
American Participation in the Second Vatican Council, edited by Monsignor Vincent A. Yzermans.
Today’s game lasted a little over three hours, which by modern standards makes it a quick game. How would I speed up the game? It’s simple: Distempered grizzly bears would be released whenever a batter has a full count as an incentive not to foul off four pitches in a row.
I shall discuss this with baseball commissioner Rob Manfred. No doubt he will be sympathetic to my plan.
And so my record stands at 2-2 this year. My next game is Friday May 26th against the Kansas City Athletics. I mean the Oakland Athletics.
I leave you with a photo of spaghetti-swilling, greasy Italians. Because you know how they are!