Yankees Lose to Houston (Pronounced Howston) Astros!

“What?  Trump fired Comey?  To hell with baseball! I’m outraged!” ~ Yankee manager Joe Girardi (Okay so he probably never said that but I’m sure ESPN wishes he did)

A cold May night in the Bronx

The Houston (pronounced, as all civilized people agree, Howston) Astros came to town for a four game set against the Yankees. This can only mean one thing:  Time for Dallas Keuchel to make the Yankees his personal bitch.

The Yankees started Michael “I get scared when people are on base” Pineda (3-2 3.27) and as stated the Howston Astros started the undefeated Dallas Keuchel (6-0 1.69).  The Yankees have never beaten Keuchel.

Howston scored (I refused to say “plated“) in the top of the first. A miscommunication between Didi Gregorius and Jacoby Ellsbury resulted in a double that should have been an out hit by Josh Reddick (pronounced Red-Dick). And as his wont after a man reaches base Michael Pineda collapsed quicker than Hillary Clinton at a 9/11 memorial. After Jose Altuve grounded out Carlos Correa hit a 2-0 pitch into the right field stands just short of the bleachers where I was sitting. 2-0 Howston after half an inning.

Howston scored again in the top of the fifth. Nori Aoki reached first on a fielder’s choice and then promptly stole second. George Springer then singled him home.  3-0 after 4 1/2

The Yankees got a run back in the bottom of the fifth. Jacoby “worth every bit of his bloated contract” Ellsbury reached first on a catcher’s interference scoring Chase Headley.  3-1 Howston after five innings.

And that’s the way it stayed until the bottom of the ninth when the Yankees scored one run and almost tied the game when Gary Sanchez singled, scoring Aaron Hicks. However Jacoby Ellsbury (Mr. Bloated Contract) made the final out of the game trying to score.

Final score:  Howston 3 Yankees 2

Notes on the game:

Fact: The Astros had two people named Carlos in the lineup and the Yankees had two people named Aaron in the lineup. (Hey, I didn’t say it was an interesting fact. Cut me some slack people I have bowel issues that make me irritable! You try blogging with an irritable bowel.)

The actors who played Hansen Brothers from Slap Shot were at the game. No other celebrities were at the game. Well, technically I was at the game and I am a world famous blogger.

Best heckle of the game:  I tried but my heckle of “I dissent from the general proposition that the states are to be made dependent on the Federal government by any system of loans from Federal government to them…..If there is to be any dependence I prefer to see that dependence of the Federal government on the States, which was the original intent of the Constitution as I view it” did not fire up the crowd.  ‘Effin big government statists!

I usually do not buy beer while at Yankee games. But today I said “Why not?  Let me treat myself!” I then remembered why I never buy beer at the Stadium: Fifteen dollars for a 24-ounce can of Heineken.

The infamous fifteen dollar can of Heineken

It’s almost like the Yankees do not care about their fans and just want to milk us for every dollar. But I know that can’t be right.

Recommended reading material:

Rebels:  The Irish Rising of 1916 by Peter De Rosa.

Reader mail:

A.P. of Poughkeepsie writes, “It is well known that since God raised fire and brimstone upon Sodom, cities have been the great marts of corruption.”

Hey, come on. I live in a city. And the only reason God raised fire and brimstone upon Sodom was because he was offended by Sodom’s anti-immigration policies.

C.H.E of hot, humid, fetid, filthy Florida writes, “I will try the best I can to get it up.”

Hey, that’s my line!

M.P.A. of treasonous, confederate-sympathizing Maryland writes, “At the South, our new republic will have no such elements of discord. Capital there owns all labor which, from its nature, so lowers the man as to make him unfit for society and self-government. Thus capital and labor, in our new republic will work in beautiful harmony; and it is thus that African slavery furnishes the only basis upon which republican government can be preserved.”

Um. What?

And so my record stands at 1-2 this year. My next game will be Monday May 22nd against the Kansas City Royals.

Go Yankees!


5 Responses

  1. Petermc3 says:

    Do the stadium urinals take bills or only Kennedy halfs?

    • Manhattan Infidel says:

      I’m shocked at your cynicism. The Yankees are a class organization and value their relationship with their fans.

      The urinals only take credit cards.

  2. innominatus says:

    Since my Giants have totally crapped the mattress, I’m a Bandwagon Yankee Fan for the rest of this season.


    I can’t handle the YES guys’ incessant “All Rise!” or “Judgment Day!” garbage every time Aaron Judge blasts one. Which is often. Not sure what to do.

    • Manhattan Infidel says:

      The Yankees have the WORST announcers. David Cone is the worst of the worst. Ken Singleton and John Flaherty aren’t bad. The rest can all suck it.

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