If I could turn back time ….I’d give my daughter a penis

Today at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ I have the pleasure of interviewing that cutting edge fashion plate, now in her 70s, Cher herself.

MI:  Good afternoon Cher.

C: Good afternoon Manhattan Infidel.

MI: So what brings you to my humble corner of the blogosphere?

C: Donald Trump caused my asthma!

MI: Oh god here we go again.  Do you know Chrissy Teigen?

C: Donald Trump is a mad King George III.  He repealed Obamacare and now I have no way of paying for my asthma medication! Millions of people are going to die now!  Millions!

MI: Setting aside for the moment your overheated rhetoric you are a celebrity. Surely you have money to pay for your asthma medicine?

C: No. I’m broke. I spent my last millions trying to find a penis donor for my daughter Chastity.  I mean my son Chaz.

MI: What?

C:  My daughter Chastity as you know fully transitioned into my son Chaz.

MI: Yes I know.

C: Well Chaz ran out of money before she was able to graft a penis onto her new man body. I’ve spent my last millions searching for someone who would be willing to donate his penis. After death preferably, but no takers. My daughter who is now my son has no penis. He has a gaping wound in his new man body where his penis should be.  Chaz, show the man

[Chaz Bono enters]

C: This is my son Chaz.  Chaz, take your clothes off and show Manhattan Infidel your gaping flesh wound where your penis should be.

[Chaz takes his clothes off]  

Look at my shame!

Chaz: Look at my shame. I still have a vagina!  I’m still weak! I have a weak, womanly vagina where my powerful male penis should be.  See!

[Chaz spreads his legs]

Chaz: Look at my shame!  Look at it!

MI: Ewww. That’s one hell of a gaping vagina hole.

Chaz: How do women live like this?

MI: Well you used to be one.

[Chaz bursts into tears]

Chaz: If I only had a penis I wouldn’t cry like this.

C: This calls for a song!

[Cher starts singing]

C: If I could turn back time/I’d buy my son a penis/I’d take back his vagina/If I could turn back time, If I could find a way/I’d have Donald Trump pay for my asthma medication/If I could reach for the stars/I’d buy my son a penis/then he’d love, love me, like he used to when he was a woman/my world is shattered, I was torn apart/Like someone took a knife and didn’t cut their penis off to give to my son/If I could turn back time, If I could find a way/I’d buy my son a penis perhaps on eBay.

Chaz: I already checked. eBay doesn’t sell fresh penises.

MI: Well that’s about all the time I have.

C: Manhattan Infidel, would you turn back time and give my son your penis?

MI: No.

Chaz: My kingdom for a penis!

C: I want Donald Trump’s penis on my son.

MI: That’s an image i’ll never be able to get out of my head.

Be careful readers. If you see Cher hide as quickly as you can. She’s on the hunt for a penis!

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