We are all from Africa. Well technically I am from New Jersey but that’s almost Africa

Today at Manhattan Infidel I have the great pleasure of interviewing respected Oscar award winning actress Meryl Streep.

MI: Good afternoon Miss Streep and let me say what an honor it is to have you here.

MS: Why thank you Manhattan Infidel.

MI: Where do I start?  You’re one of the most respected actresses of your generation and I might say, at 66 years of age still quite attractive. In fact I might even ask you out.

MS: What did you say?

MI: I said I might ask you out.

[Streep stabs Manhattan Infidel with the tip of an umbrella]

MI: Ow.  What the hell was that?

MS: I stabbed you with a poison-tipped umbrella, like Putin did to that spy.

MI: Why?

MS: I may be an actress but that doesn’t mean I am so debased I’d consent to dating a blogger.

MI: Wait. Where’d you find a poison-tipped umbrella?

MS: Prop department.  You have about a week to live.  It’ll be slow and painful. At the end you will beg for death.

MI: So it’s a lot like marriage?

MS: Pretty much.

MI: Anyway, you recently waded into the Oscars so white controversy. At the Berlin Film Festival you chaired an all-white panel but maintained that the festival is determined to be open to “all genders, races, ethnicities and religions.”

MS: Yes. This is something I feel very strongly about. Racism is bad. And bad things make me sad. Like the time I made a midnight trip to the store but they were out of frosted cherry pop tarts. That was bad and made me sad.

MI: Um.

MS: I mean, aren’t we all Africans anyway? Didn’t the human race originate in Africa?

MI: That’s one archaeological theory. Let me ask you this. What do you think of movies from the Arab world and north Africa?

MS: I don’t really understand them. But that’s okay. We are all Africans.

MI: You already said that.

MS: I made a movie called “Out of Africa.”  Because we are all Africans.

MI: I get it.

MS: I am proud of my African heritage.

MI: What did you think of your experience in Africa while filming the movie?

MS: Well I didn’t experience much of it.  I am proud to be African.  Except for the dysentery and lack of clean drinking water.  I spent most of my time back at the hotel, which thank god was air conditioned. Robert Redford stayed at the hotel too. He’s also proud to be African and he admires how Africans protect the environment by not using lightbulbs or flush toilets. He admires their commitment to poverty. You know I’m thinking of not using a flush toilet myself and maybe building a well instead of using the faucet in my mansion but, you know, dysentery.

MI: Right. Anyway, that’s about all the time we have.

MS:  Do you mind if I use this knife to burrow into your thigh?

MI: Um. What?

MS: Well I have to get the poison-tip from the umbrella back to the prop department or the prop master will get fined by the studio. The studio is run by white men and you know how they are.

MI: Sure. Burrow away.

MS: You don’t have dysentery do you?

And so ended my interview with the talented and dysentery-free Meryl Streep.

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