My Exclusive Interview with Mark Ruffalo

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I'm an actor that means I'm smart

I’m an actor that means I’m smart

Today at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ I have the pleasure of interviewing Mark Ruffalo.  I must admit I never have seen any of his movies but I’m told he’s a famous actor. And because he’s famous and an actor his opinions matter.

MI: Good afternoon Mr. Ruffalo.

MR: Good afternoon Manhattan Infidel.  No doubt you are a fan of mine?

MI: Um. Well I don’t go to many movies. I’ve never seen any of your work.

MR: Oh. Really. You know that makes me angry. Here I am, a famous, elite actor agreeing to sit down with you and you haven’t even seen my great work. I wish your mother had aborted you.

MI: Wow. That hurts.

MR: The world is too crowded anyway. It would have been better if you had not been born. You’re wasting my time. Why didn’t your mother abort you?

MI: I guess she loved me.

MR: Oh? Is that it? Or perhaps she couldn’t afford the 600 dollars for a sleazy back-alley abortion?  How old are you? You were born before Roe v Wade weren’t you? Well thank god abortion is legal now.

MI: Let’s talk about that. You are a big supporter of abortion rights. You were recently quoted as saying that you were proud of your mother for aborting your brother.

MR: Yes. That’s correct.I have a mother who was forced to illegally have an abortion in her state where abortion was illegal when she was a very young woman. It cost $600 cash. It was a traumatizing thing for her. It was shameful and sleazy and demeaning. When I heard the story I was aghast by the lowliness of a society that would make a woman do that. I could not understand its lack of humanity; today is no different. 

MI: The lack of humanity? That’s obvious at one level.  You don’t have a brother.

MR: Yes and it’s a beautiful thing. Humanity must be safe, legal and rare.

MI: But the child who was aborted was your brother!

MR:  I don’t understand your point.

MI: What if your wife had decided to abort your children!

MR: I would have been proud of her.

MI: I don’t believe this.

MR: Abortion is the greatest expression of human freedom. We lead the world in abortions.  Over 50 million have been done in the United States since 1974. That’s 50 million less people that would be responsible for global warming.

MI: What if your mother had decided to abort you?

MR: What?

MI: What if your mother had decided to abort you?

MR: That’s a horrible thing to say! I value my life!

MI: Precisely. You had the chance to value your life. Your brother didn’t.

MR: But I am an actor. Who knows what my brother would have become. He might have been a murderer or a rapist or a Christian.

MI: But you had a chance to become an actor. You weren’t aborted.

MR: I don’t understand your point.

MI: You’re a moral idiot.

MR:  I’m actor.  I just play moral idiots in the movies.

And so ended my interview with the non-aborted Mark Ruffalo.

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3 Responses

  1. Petermc3 says:

    You seemed to have ruffaloed his feathers M.I.!

  2. LSP says:

    I hadn’t heard of Mark Ruffalo until I read this. Now I have, and know that he’s a genius. Thanks.

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