Blofeld Fires Entire Staff; Hires Contractors

It's all about staying underbudget.

It’s all about staying underbudget.

Ernest Stavros Blofeld, regional director of the global criminal organization Spectre today fired his entire staff and replaced them with contractors.

“I don’t have to tell you that my project is expensive” said the criminal mastermind.

Hiring astrophysicists from NASA and Russia, buying rocket fuel, building rockets, hollowing out a volcano and building my headquarters, none of this is easy. As the regional director I’m up for a promotion. The eyes of the home office are on me. I keep getting emails from them complaining about going over budget and that my employees are getting too much overtime. What am I going to do? Something had to give. The home office wants the project under budget so I had to make some difficult decisions.

All support staff including I.T. were called into the secret underground meeting room and given their pink slips.  Exempted from the mass firing were the rocket technicians and astronauts.

I thought of letting them go too but it’s not like there are many astronaut temp firms. So I had to keep them. And their salary. Not a good solution but the best one at the moment.

To replace his former employers Blofeld signed an exclusive contract with World Dominators, a contacting firm catering to megalomaniacal madmen and media companies.

It’s a surprisingly good deal. Instead of having to pay all those salaries and more importantly, their health insurance, the contracting firm takes care of it for a flat fee. This should make the home office very happy.

Unhappy over their pink slips, the staff had to suffer the further indignity of having to train their contractor replacements.

A lot of the staff were grumbling. I understand. No one wants to train the person replacing them. But this is business. Nothing personal. In fact if you want to talk personal how about the staff? They leave work early every day and sneak off into town to drink and pick up the local Asian girls. Hey, I get it. Asian women are hot. With my unmatched musky heterosexual vibe

I am all man baby and I love women.

I am all man baby and I love women.

I often want to go to town and pick them up as well. But nothing detracts from the mission of dominating the world. And I can’t have my employees telling locals about my hideout. Now I have everyone coming here asking for tours. It’s distracting when you’re trying to maintain your secrecy. I’ve been told that this won’t be a problem with the new contractors.

The deal is not without problems however. World Dominators is under investigation for allegedly defrauding its contractors of wages.

I don’t care about any of that. All I know is expenses will be cut. Now I’m certain I’ll get a promotion. I just hope that James Bond guy doesn’t show up.

Damn you Mr. Bond.  You have frightened my pussy!

Damn you Mr. Bond. You have frightened my pussy!

 I find his toupee distasteful and he scares my pussy.

A spokesman for World Dominators has confirmed that they have signed a deal with Blofeld and refused to comment on the ongoing investigation against them.


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