Elephant Man Scores With Speed Dating!

I am not an animal, except in bed honey

I am not an animal, except in bed honey

Long used to being alone, the Elephant Man has seen a marked increase in his social circle thanks to speed dating.

“I got tired of spending Saturday nights alone” he said.

There are plenty of young available women at work. But I didn’t have any luck with them. I would try to talk them up at the water cooler but they weren’t interested. Some were cruel. Once girl said I had a big head. In fact HR called me into their office and told me to leave the girls alone, that they were disgusted by me. So anyway I saw an ad for speed dating and I thought “Why not?”

After paying the fee the Elephant Man, in his best suit, arrived.

I was a little nervous at first. And when I’m nervous I stutter and drool. And fart. But things went better than I expected. I got eight phone numbers. It looks like spending Saturday night alone is over for me. That’s good because my penis is totally normal. I have photos on my iPhone to prove it.

According to one of the women who gave him her number “I was not attracted to him at first but there was something about him.”

He wasn’t classically handsome, what with all the ridges and bumps. Swarthy like. Mediterranean almost. I like men like that. So we started talking and what I liked most about him was he wasn’t a creep. He didn’t mention sex. He said he just wanted companionship and was tired of being alone. He was very vulnerable and open. That’s a turn on. Plus he showed me the 600 photos of his penis that he had on his phone.  His penis looked normal. So he was swarthy, Mediterranean, vulnerable and had a normal penis. What woman can resist that?

Another woman who gave him her number was attracted by his cultured demeanor.

He mentioned that he liked opera. Usually when I meet men at these speed dating things they are all about their sports team or their car. But opera? Wow I was impressed.  I asked him if we could go to an opera sometime. He liked that idea. And then he showed me the photos of his penis that he had on his iPhone. It was totally normal! He’s an opera lover with a normal penis! What more can a woman ask for?

A third found him “dangerous and sexy.”

He wasn’t a pretty boy but he looked like a rocker. I’ve always been attracted to rock stars.  I used to be a groupie. I rode the bus on a sex chair. But anyway I gave him my number. We’re going to go to a rock concert next week. Just me, him and his normal penis. Yeah, he showed me the photos on his iPhone. He also had a lot of photos of Anthony Hopkins for some reason. That freaked me out a little but you know these rock and rollers.

As for the Elephant Man he is so excited about his new social life that he has quit his job.

“I was only there to meet women anyway. I think I’ll send the HR lady some photos of my penis just to show her what she could have had.”


One Response

  1. Petermc3 says:

    The moral to this story: Show a woman your elephant penis and she’s yours.

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