I intend to steal, er, take from the rich and give, I mean redistribute to the poor.

Here at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ I hope everyone had a safe and happy Thanksgiving. I spent the holiday in my traditional fashion:  Dinner at McDonalds followed by three days in bed staring at the ceiling hoping for death.

But it’s time to get back to work so I now present the latest in my series 2017 Inaugural Addresses.  Today it is the unannounced but favorite of Democrats, Robin Hood of Nottingham.  Now technically Robin Hood is not an American citizen but since no one pays attention to the Constitution anymore what difference would it make, to quote the current Democratic front runner.

I now take you to MNSBC’s live coverage of the ceremony.

Chris Matthews: I am giddy. Positively giddy. When Robin Hood announced his candidacy and said he was going to “steal from the rich and give to the poor” it was like old testament times. He sounded like a prophet.

Melissa Harris-Perry: I know.  From the moment he threw his hat into the ring his campaign caught on like fire with Democrats.  They loved the message of punish the rich and redistribute wealth. Even Bernie Sanders couldn’t compete against him.

Chris Matthews: And isn’t it time we punished the rich.  Isn’t it time we took from those who make more than 200,000 a year and forced them to pay their fair, compassionate share of taxes?  Isn’t it time – 

Melissa Harris-Perry: You mean people like you?

Chris Matthews:  Melissa I must warn you.  I am a liberal and as such am sympathetic with the plight of weak, helpless black people such as yourself. But don’t ever interrupt me again or I’ll make sure you never move into my neighborhood.

Melissa Harris-Perry: You are microagressioning me!

Chris Matthews: That does it. You’re out of the family. Here’s your plane ticket to Las Vegas.  Now get out of my sight.

Melissa Harris-Perry: Can I just say one thing?  Robin Hood should wear tampons on his ears. That act would reduce the stench of his white maleness.

[Melissa Harris-Perry leaves]

Chris Matthews: Now back to my original point. President-elect Hood is going to announce an historic redistribution plan. Taxes on those making more than 200,000 – except those who voted for him – will be raised to 95 percent. The extra income derived from this will fund much-needed social programs like Planned Parenthood. It will also help the EPA track down and destroy every wood-burning stove in America. This is the America I want to live in.

[Al Sharpton enters]

Chris Matthews: I am joined by my colleague and my number one negro, Al Sharpton.  Pope Al it’s good to have you here. Did you see Melissa Harris-Perry as she was leaving?

Al Sharpton: Resist we much her tampons!

Chris Matthews: I love this man!  I understand that President-elect Hood is going to name Little John to the new cabinet post of Secretary of Redistribution. You now Little John used to be a Catholic priest but he left that organization because the Church causes climate change. What say you Pope Al?

Al Sharpton: Um.  Resist we much climate change?

Chris Matthews: Yeah, yeah, the moment’s over.  Go get me some pizza.

[Al Sharpton leaves]

Chris Matthews: It appears Robin Hood who in a nod to his black supporters prefers to be called “Robin from the Hood” has finished speaking. I didn’t hear any of it since I was busy talking but I’m sure he referenced traditional American heroes such as Che Guevara and Mao Tse-Tung. Well anyway that’s all our coverage. We now return you to “Lock up: The Anal Rape Edition.”

Well I don’t thing we have anything to fear, do you?

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