Fire bad!

After repeated complaints about his job performance, Frankenstein was dismissed today from his job with the fire department.

“We really had no choice” said the Department’s head of human resources.

His job performance was not satisfactory. He had an attitude problem and his coworkers found it difficult to work with him. Look we gave him every chance. The fire department is committed to diversity in its hiring practices and being made from spare parts and reanimated in a laboratory does make him a minority.  Not Hispanic or Latino, granted, but a minority nevertheless.

Frankenstein first came under HR’s radar when fellow firemen complained that he was not doing his job.

“On our first call together we let him drive the fire truck” said one.

It’s something we let all the newbies do.  It’s a right of passage. How was I to know he didn’t have a license? He drove through some red lights and hit a school bus filled with children. He didn’t even stop.  “School bus bad!  Children bad!” he said. Luckily we were able to confiscate security footage and pay off some families or we all would have been in some deep shit.

One fire lieutenant complained of Frankenstein’s cowardice.

Being a fireman isn’t easy.  It requires a certain amount of bravery. You either have it or you don’t.  Frankie didn’t. We get to this fire and I tell him to grab some gear and run into the burning building.  Instead he screams “Fire bad!’ and throws down his equipment and runs back to the truck. We lost two men that day. 

Feelings against Frankenstein in the department were pretty high after that incident but under orders from management the firehouse decided to take Frankenstein under their wings.

“Everybody deserves a second chance” said a fireman from his hook and ladder company.

So we took him to a bar. We figured all he needed was to get laid and there were always plenty of women at this place. It was notorious for firemen groupies. I noticed he had his eye on one girl. Not my type but to each his own. 

She hate me!

 So I introduced them. Well he must have come on too strong.  I don’t know. Perhaps he showed her a dick photo on his phone. She starts screaming. He gets up and says “She hate me. Like others”  Then he ordered everyone out of the bar except for her and he sets the joint on fire. I’ve heard of taking rejection hard but come on!

Faced with a string of embarrassing incidents the Department was left with no choice but to let Frankenstein go.

“I called him into my office” said the HR administrator.

And I basically told him that while we appreciate his being a trailblazer, being the first of his kind to be a fireman, that it just wasn’t working out. I told him he’d be getting four weeks severance and I shook his hand and wished him well. Keep it short when giving bad news.  That’s my philosophy. I blame myself for hiring him. He was a help desk technician before he joined the Department so he was used to being yelled at and blamed for shit that’s not his fault.  That explains the chip on his shoulder.

As for Frankenstein he is not worried.

Let me see your ID!

“I’ve already been hired to do private security at corporate events and stuff like that. It’s an easy gig.  All I do is ask for IDs and steal some of the food.”

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