My Exclusive Interview with the Tin Man

Lubricate me! More lube!

Lubricate me! More lube!

Today at Manhattan Infidel I have the pleasure of interviewing a long-time resident of the forest of Oz, the Tin Man himself.

MI: Good day to you Mr. Tin Man.

TM: Yeah, whatever.

MI: Okay, you seem just a little bitter.

TM: You think? You f*cking think? What gave that away asshole.

MI: Wow. Okay.  So tell me, what’s your story?  Why the tin suit?

TM: I was originally human.  Human limbs, human heart, human penis –

MI: So you had full reproductive abilities?

TM: Don’t interrupt me blogger boy.

MI: Sorry.  So what happened?

TM: One day I was out chopping down trees because that’s what I do.  My name is Nick Chopper and I cut down trees for a living.  Anyway I was minding my own business when a bunch of environmental freaks attacked me and cut off all my limbs. I still remember them laughing and saying “You’ll never harm another tree again you capitalist tool!”

MI: That’s brutal. How did you survive?

TM: Well thanks to Obamacare I have excellent insurance.

MI: Really?

TM: Okay so I lied.  Anyway when I didn’t come back from lunch my boss came looking for me.  He found me barely alive, just a bloody stump. He took me to the doctors employed by the lumber company and they said they had the technology to rebuild me and make me better. So I’m thinking six million dollar man.  Instead I wake up like this.  A rusted tin man.

MI: Wow. Tough break.

TM: You know what hurts the worst? A while back some girl named Dorothy  came around. And she was smoking hot.

The Tin Man could have had this!

The Tin Man could have had this!

She could have been the best piece of ass I ever had. And I’ve had them all over Oz.  But I couldn’t do anything.  Oh she was interested.  She asked me if my penis was made of tin and and hard too. I had to tell her I didn’t have a penis. They ran out of money before they could attach one. So she taunted me by having sex with a lion and a straw man in front of me.

MI: That had to suck.

TM: It is what it is.  You adapt.  There are other ways of achieving sexual satisfaction.

MI: Such as?

TM: Do you see that can of oil by my feet?  

MI: Yes.

TM:  Can you pick it up and lubricate me?

MI: Um okay. Where do you want – 

TM: Insert the can into my backside and pump me full of lube.

MI: Yeah I’m, I’m not really comfortable doing this.

TM: Shut up and lubricate me!  LUBE ME!

MI: I think I’m just going to go now.

TM: Wait, come back. You haven’t finished lubing me.

MI: Bye.

TM: Well alright if you must go you must go.  But if you see Dorothy tell her she missed out on some hot Tin action!

Well that was strange.  I  never knew the forests of Oz could be so dangerous.


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