Feminists Protest Scarecrow’s New Brain

All I wanted was a brain!  I didn't realized it was sexist!

All I wanted was a brain! I didn’t realize it was sexist!

When the Scarecrow received his new brain he envisioned a whole new life with many opportunities.   What he didn’t expect was to become a focal point of protests from local feminists.

Soon after he received his brain from the Wizard the Scarecrow started taking classes at his local community college.

“I had taken a few shop courses before I had a brain” said the Scarecrow.

I had lots of female friends. They didn’t seem to mind me. They thought my not having a brain was cute. I guess they considered me nonthreatening and asexual. Don’t know why.  I’ve always been a beast in the sack. It’s my straw penis. Women like how it tickles them. Anyway as I was saying before I had a brain no one minded my presence. Now that I have a brain everyone avoids me.  They call me “sexist’ and “rapist.”  No one talks to me anymore.

A representative for the campus feminist group “Womyn Opposed to Male Maleness” states that the Scarecrow’s new brain makes him a threat.

Before when he didn’t have a brain we tolerated his testosterone. It was annoying. But unfocused.  All his did was dance around singing “I could while away the hours/Conferrin’ with the flowers/Consultin’ with the rain/And my head, I’d be scratchin’/While my thoughts were busy hatchin’/If I only had a brain”.  It was a cute song.  Not hip hop but it had a beat. That’s all he did.  Sing that and tickle us with his straw penis. But now that he has a brain he’s a member of the rape patriarchy. We feel threatened by his manhood and his ableism.

The group has asked campus administrators to ban the Scarecrow from campus.

We won’t rest until this potential rapist is banned from campus. It’s either ban him or set up safe spaces for womyn on campus where we can flee when provoked by his rape thought.

Campus administrators have set up a meeting with the Scarecrow later in the week where he will have to answer these allegations against him. The Scarecrow for his part adamantly protests his innocence.

I am not a rapist. I don’t even know what being ableist means. But whatever it is I’m not it. I’m the same Scarecrow I was before I got this brain. Only now I’m majoring in math. Perhaps that’s why they feel threatened. Math is hard for girls. They should stick to Home Ed and blow jobs. What? Oh come on. Grow a pair!

If found guilty of patriarchy and ableism by campus administration the Scarecrow will be expelled from the University and barred from every taking classes with them again.

“College is all about openness to new ideas” said the school President.  “Unless those ideas are different. Then they become ableist.”

The Scarecrow’s friend, the Tin Man (pictured here)

Look at my midsection!  Nothing!  Nothing!

Look at my midsection! Nothing! Nothing!

is one of his few defenders.

He’s a great guy who happens to have a penis, even if it is straw. Why can’t I have a penis? I got nothing down there. I’m totally emasculated. There’s nothing left for me to do but join a boy band.

The Scarecrow’s disciplinary hearing will be open to the public.


One Response

  1. LSP says:

    Where does Dorothy come in, now that she’s an Episcopal bishop?

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