Accept certificate? What the f*ck does that mean?

Captain Jean Luc Picard of the Star Ship Enterprise, pride of Star fleet, is experiencing issues connecting to the WiFi in his ready room.

The problems for Picard began when Star Fleet upgraded the WiFi on all their Starships.  What follows is the transcript of the phone call, captured via Star Fleet’s new Cisco Finesse software program.

SFHD: Star Fleet Help Desk, James speaking. How may I help you?

CJLP: Yeah this is Captain Jean Luc Picard of the Enterprise.  

SFHD: Good afternoon Jean Luc what seems to be your issue?

CJLP: Well for starters you can call me Captain Picard. What’s your rank?

SFHD: Actually I’m a civilian contractor.

CJLP: [Under his breath] Figures.  F*cking civilians.

SFHD: I’m sorry I didn’t catch that.

CJLP: Nothing.  Listen I can’t seem to access the WiFi in my ready room.

SFHD: I apologize sir. Let’s see if we can fix this. When was the last time you were able to access the WiFi?

CJLP:  Last week before Star Fleet upgraded the wireless.

SFHD: What is the error message you are getting?

CJLP:  I’m not getting an error message it just times out and doesn’t connect.

SFHD: Okay you might be trying to connect to the old wireless network.  That has been discontinued. What sort of device do you have?

CJLP: It’s my laptop.

SFHD: Star fleet issued or personal?

CJLP: What f*king difference does that make?

SFHD: Sir Star Fleet issued devices and personal devices connect to different WiFi networks.

CJLP: That makes no sense.

SFHD: It’s for security reasons.  Now is this your own device?

CJLP: No it’s Star Fleet issued.

SFHD: Then you need to connect to StarFleet_Corp.

CJLP: Okay now it’s asking for me to accept a certificate.  Accept a certificate? What the f*ck does that mean? 

SFHD: You have to download a certificate onto your laptop to connect.

CJLP: Goddamn it. Why can’t I just connect? It was so much simpler before you guys upgraded the system.

SFHD: Sir if you accept the certificate you’ll be able to connect.

CJLP: Okay I’ve downloaded the certificate and I’ve connected.  But I can’t access the internet!

SFHD: All sites or just one in particular.

CJLP: One in particular.

SFHD: Which one?

CJLP:  [Sheepishly] Green Women who Love Star Fleet Officers. 

This web site has been blocked by Star Fleet

SFHD: Yes that site has been blocked for security reasons.

CJLP:  I want access to that site!  Make it so!

SFHD:  But I can’t sir.

CJLP: Why not?  Listen monkey boy. I’m Jean Luc F*cking Picard, Captain of this ship.  I don’t have time for your Help Desk bullshit.  Just get me access.

SFHD: Sir I’m sorry but as I said that site has been blocked by Star Fleet security. 

CJLP: Oh  f*ck it.  I’m going down to medical and getting a hand job from Dr. Crusher. F*cking Star Fleet and their f*cking security. Goodbye 

SFHD: Before you go sir may I get your official Star Fleet ID?  I have to log this call.

CLJP: F*ck off. [Hangs up]

SFHD: Thank you for calling the Help Desk.

As you can see, even in the future Help Desk Technicians will be a necessity.

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