Thank you for not smoking

Today at Manhattan Infidel I have the pleasure of interviewing one of the most fascinating and controversial characters of the last quarter century. I am of course speaking about RoboCop.

MI: Good afternoon RoboCop.

RC: Good afternoon Manhattan Infidel.  Are you committing a crime.

MI: What?  No. Not in months. So tell me.  What have you been doing with yourself. I understand you are no longer employed by OCP?

RC: That’s correct. They laid me off when I had six months to go before I’d be fully vested in the pension plan. Bastards.

MI: How did you react to this?

RC: I shot the bastards. Right in the  nuts.

MI: I’ll remember to stay on your good side.  So what did you do after you left OCP?

RC: I took jobs in private security.  Mostly I worked with rock bands doing backstage security.  Stuff like that.  The money was good.

MI: What was that like.

RC:  [Pause] I shot a lot of groupies.

MI: Oh.

RC: They wouldn’t stop smoking.  

MI: Any anecdotes you’d like to share?

RC: One time I was doing security for Willie Nelson. I walked onto the tour bus and damned if everybody wasn’t smoking marijuana.  I asked them to stop.  When they didn’t I shot his entire band. Then I thanked them for not smoking.

MI: Any repercussions?

RC: Willie was pretty upset. 

MI: I can imagine.

RC: He fired me.  If it’s one thing stars value more than their groupies it’s their drugs.

MI: So what are you doing now?

RC: I’m on hiatus.  Looking for a good vacation spot. 

MI: What about the south of France?

RC: I’m not a beach person.  Besides warm weather makes me rust.

MI: But you’re made of stainless steel?

RC: Is that what OCP told you?  Cheap bastards. They made me from aluminum.

MI: Tough break.  Still there must be some advantages to that.

RC: Yes. Whenever I’m low on money I go to a convenience store and turn myself in and get a deposit back.

MI: You’re saving the environment.

RC: Yes.  Are we done here?

MI: Well I had a few more questions.

RC: Excuse me. I have to go. Somewhere there is a crime happening.

MI: Any special message for the kids who may be reading this?

RC: Stay out of trouble. And don’t mess with Willie Nelson’s marijuana.

MI:  Thank you.

RC:  You are welcome sir. Please extinguish your cigarette.

MI:  But I’m not smoking.

RC: This is  your final warning.

MI: No!  Wait!

[Gunfire]

RoboCop really is tough on smokers.  What a puritan!

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