We don’t want aliens to think we’re stupid or backward

NASA announced today that any further messages sent into deep space in hopes of contacting alien life will be updated.

“The old messages were disturbingly old fashioned” said NASA’s administrator, Charles Bolden.

The earlier messages showed a lot of white men and an attitude of white privilege. Women were meek, submissive, oppressed by patriarchy and heterosexuality. Peoples of color were not featured in the message at all. This has to change if we want aliens to contact us. I mean if you were an alien life form who would you rather initiate first contact with? Scary war-like white folk or peaceful peoples of color?

Accordingly the new message drawn up by NASA, “after consultation with our diversity engineers” will show aliens that Americans take the ideal of inclusiveness seriously.

In the five -minute video a collection of diverse peoples of color (pictured here)

We all have penises. Except the men who are post op.

welcome aliens and promise peace and love from planet Earth.

If you look closely at the video we have a transsexual, gay woman of color, a post op, gay female to male man of color, a gay Asian pre-op transsexual, a gay male of color who wants to be a woman, another post op male to female gay person of color, a black but probably gay man (I mean just look at the sweater he’s wearing), a white woman who hates penis in vagina sex and is not dogmatic in her whiteness and a gay Asian dude who no doubt wishes to become a woman.  If this doesn’t represent the diversity of America then I guess I don’t understand the meaning of the word diversity.

Hoping to attract a diverse set of young people, NASA sent out the following questionnaire to over  100,000 college students:

• Do you vote Democrat?

Yes

No

•  Do you believe that penis in vagina sex is what nature intended?

Yes

No

This question insults my progressiveness

• Do you believe gender is a fluid, bourgeois construct?

Yes.   It’s what all intelligent people believe

Yes. We must overcome the fascism of biology

Yes. Yes and yes again!

• Are you a heterosexual white male of  northern European origin?

Yes. I mean no.  Was that the wrong answer?

Yes.  But I feel conflicted and ashamed of my race’s history of hatred and noninclusiveness

No muthafucka!

• If selected to represent the diversity of America in the message to space will you help NASA administrator Charles Bolden redesign his home?

Oh yes I’d love to.  I go antiquing every weekend!

I’m good at Feng shui and love designing

I was once bullied by a football player and since then have devoted my life to social justice and interior design

“As you can see” said Holden “Our questionnaire was designed to weed out unwelcome nondiverse elements.”

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Breaking news Breaking news Breaking news Breaking news Breaking news 

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Non-gender fluid aliens from Alpha Centauri have announced that they will be bypassing Earth during their latest explorations of space.

“Earth has lots of beaches and we like beaches” said a high-ranking Alpha Centauran.  “But this gender fluidity crap is starting to scare a lot of us off.”

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