She Hulk just wants to be loved

After a brief experiment with the social media site “Tinder”, She Hulk has told friends that she will be deleting her account “with extreme prejudice.”

“Being a super hero is a busy life” said She Hulk.

And I’m a lawyer too. It can be difficult to find the time to meet men. So one of my friends said I should try Tinder.  “Go ahead” she told me.  “You’ll be swamped with men.”  So I joined. Well she was right about the being swamped with men thing. But it was the wrong type of man. I specifically mentioned that I was not looking for sex. But all the men who contacted me just wanted to hook up.  I mean, did they even bother reading my profile?

She Hulk’s problems began with the first man she met on Tinder, a 50 year old lawyer who enjoyed playing rock music and “deep conversations.”

I though we had a lot in common, both being lawyers.  So I met him for drinks. He seemed nice at first. I guess I should have known he was a creep when he told me his favorite Beatle was Pete. So anyway after a few drinks he tries to put his hand up my dress and his tongue down my throat. Well he won’t be doing that any more.  I ripped his tongue out and nailed it to the wall.

She Hulk’s difficulties with Tinder weren’t confined to the men she met.

Every man I talked to online said the same thing. They weren’t into drama and they just want a normal girl to have a normal relationship with.  But then they all sent me dick photos. What’s up with that?  I don’t want to see your dick! I just want to meet a sensitive man, one I can cuddle with and talk about my feelings. You know, like Alan Alda or Stephen Hawking.  Is that too much to ask?  

Not wanting to give up on the site because of one bad experience she agreed to meet a second man.  This time for coffee.

I figured if he wasn’t drunk he wouldn’t act inappropriately. So we meet and at first everything was okay. We were talking about our favorite books.  Then he started telling me that he always had a thing for green women and he has a Captain Kirk outfit and would I come home with him and role play? Then he sent me a dick photo. What is wrong with men?  I am not your green lady fantasy!

Discouraged, She Hulk went home and immediately deleted not only her Tinder profile but her eHarmony and Match profiles as well.

I give up. Men can all go to hell.  I guess I’m just destined to be alone. It’s a shame. I have so much to offer. I’m intelligent.  I make a good living as a lawyer. Why do men just want me for my body?  This makes me so angry!

Hey, eyes up here pal!

And with that a startling metamorphosis occurred in She Hulk as her tight clothing pressed against her taught body, exposing a pair of firm, supple breasts and delicate, yet powerful thighs.

My name is Manhattan Infidel.  And I just sent She Hulk a picture of my penis.

I know she wants it.

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