The Manhattan Infidel’s Guide to Success with the Ladies

Follow the Manhattan Infidel’s advice and you too can have Olivia WildeAs part of my ongoing series designed to impart valuable information to my readers I now present my guide to success with the ladies.  I personally vouch that all the of the following will help you increase satisfaction in your personal life.

The first step to success with the ladies is of course to actually meet them.   Here are some good places to meet up with single women:

  1. High Schools.  One of my favorite hobbies is to hang around the local high school in my trench coat (in case it rains of course.) As school lets out casually start asking the girls, “Are you legal?” By doing this they will know that you respect the law and have learned from your painful experience on To Catch a Predator.
  2. Bars.  Bars are always a good place to meet women.  I’ve found women respond very positively when I approach them and say, “I’m not wearing underwear.” This shows women that you have an edge and are fun.  One possible variation on this is to say “I’m not wearing men’s underwear.” The purpose of this is to show them that in today’s economic climate you can share undergarments, thereby cutting expenses.
  3. Home.  You don’t even have to leave your home sometimes.  Many police departments now have attractive female officers.  A favorite trick of mine is to call the police and report a burglary in progress at my address.  Then put on a ski mask and wait for the lovely ladies with the handcuffs to arrive. Note: You do run the risk of being tasered or shot but it’s all for the cause.

The next step is a date.  Here are a few of my tips to ensure a successful experience.

  1. It is important to put a woman at ease.  I usually say something like “I sense a real connection between us so I probably won’t chop you up” when I meet them.
  2. Skip the fancy restaurant.  If you want to make an impression hand them a frozen steak and say “Well, what the Hell are you looking at?  Cook it!” By doing this you show your date that you respect them and you appreciate the contributions they can make to the relationship.
  3. During the date talk about your mother.  A lot.  If your date tries to steer the conversation to another topic call your mother and say “You were right about girls Mom. Don’t worry. No one can possibly replace you.” This will show woman that you have a soft, sensitive side.  Women like this.

And of course the ultimate goal is a relationship.  One way to ensure this is a steady stream of compliments.  Woman love compliments.  A few of the ones I’ve found work the best are:

  1. “What is the age difference between you and your sister?  She’s so young and you’re not.”  Women genuinely enjoy it when you point out their maturity.
  2. “You are the only woman I have ever met that I’d let shave my back hair.” It’s all about building trust.
  3. “You look beautiful.  Almost as beautiful as Charlton Heston.”  What?  You can pry Charlton Heston from my cold dead hands!

And there you have it.  Just follow my advice and you’ll be guaranteed success.  Good hunting!


9 Responses

  1. Dragongrrl says:

    That’s just wrong on so many levels.

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    We at Manhattan Infidel pride ourselves on doing the wrong thing. Manhattan Infidel – doing the wrong thing for America for almost 1/50 of a Century.

  3. Mark says:

    It worked!!!! I’ve got a date with the sodium monster Saturday night,

  4. Manhattan Infidel says:

    You been nipping Saurian Brandy or something?

  5. KingShamus says:

    The Sodium Monster might be a homicidal freak. She might be full of lies and deceit. She might not even be human.

    But she’s probably a better woman than Nancy Pelosi.

  6. You may have a lot in common with Gary Glitter and Lawrence Taylor and Roman Polanski.

  7. Mark says:

    I prefer Romulan Ale. And none of that “synthahol” shit!

  8. Manhattan Infidel says:


  9. Matt says:

    You should be writing books. With these time proven techniques, it would surely top the best seller list.

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