With Greece’s bond rating reduced to the “junk” level, the European Union has begun closely monitoring Greece’s credit card statements.
“We are concerned” said the EU Parliament President Jerzy Buzek. “Greece is a very important part of the European Union and we want a healthy Greece. That’s the way the EU works. We want to say loud and clear that Europe belongs to all of us. Well, except for Turkey. We don’t like Turkey.”
Hoping to head off a debt crisis that could spread to Spain and Ireland the EU has started monitoring all of Greece’s credit cards. And what they’ve found is troubling.
“We never should have given Greece a credit card in the first place” said Buzek. “Look at their latest statement. A hundred Euro iTunes purchase of the complete John Tesh? That’s just reckless and irresponsible.”
As he detailed Greece’s credit card binging his frustration grew.
“They purchased the complete X-Files on DVD. They could have saved some money by buying only the first four years. Everything after that sucked anyway. 5000 Euros to buy personal massagers? Look at this purchase for an adult chatline. And that doesn’t include all the porn purchases they put on their card. I would expect this kind of immorality from Malta or Slovenia but not from Greece. I’ve learned a bitter lesson. Never trust the Greeks. Or the Bulgarians. Or the Czechs. And especially not the Estonians. Bastard Estonians! And I don’t like New Zealand either. Yeah I know they’re not a part of the European Union but that doesn’t matter. I spit on New Zealand.”
As part of their debt restructuring deal, Greece will have to agree to the following:
- Greece will have to be in bed by 11:00 PM on school nights.
- Greece will not be able to borrow the car until they find a Summer job.
- Greece’s cell phone contract will be changed to disallow text messaging.
- Greece will have to walk Germany’s dog every morning and evening. No exceptions.
“Our conditions may seem tough. But we want Greece to learn personal responsibility” said Buzek. “Are you from New Zealand? You look like you are. I spit on you!”
Greece will have three weeks to clean up its act. If they don’t Greece will be sent to live with their Grandmother for the Summer.
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Unfortunately, Greece threw a tantrum and trashed his room. His demands consist of; a free lifetime lease to Italy’s basement, permission to consume free weed and beer, and the end to all “oppressive” chores.
True story: There’s this apartment complex I used to live in, and the manager lived in the unit adjacent to the rental office. Well, Mr. Manager Guy poked a little hole in the wall and tapped into the office phone lines. He ran up $9000 in phone sex charges. IN ONE MONTH!
Matt: What’s wrong with free weed and beer. In this case I must sympathize with Greece. But they still have to do their chores.
Inn: Obviously the manager was calling during peak hours.
nice style..Keep up the fight!!:)
Thank you Angel. Welcome to Manhattan Infidel.