Times Square Car Bomber’s Motives Remain Unclear

What were his motives?Since the arrest of Faisal Shahzad for the attempted car bombing in Times Square speculation has turned to his possible motives.

On The View Thursday morning Joy Behar talked about her disbelief that Shahzad could be a bomber.

“Look at him.  He’s so handsome.  How can a handsome man be a bomber?  I bet he was angry over something Rush Limbaugh said.  I bet he’s embarrassed at Sara Palin’s stupidity.”

From all accounts it appears that Shahzad was a model immigrant who had no problems assimilating into mainstream America.  He married a beautiful American-born woman, got a college degree and bought a home.  But then things turned bad for him.  His home went into foreclosure.  He lost his job.  He separated from his family.  Neighbors mentioned “quirky habits” such as jogging at night while wearing explosives strapped to his chest.

“I said good morning to him once and he responded ‘Die Infidel dog!’  But I didn’t think anything of it.  He was quiet and kept to himself” said one neighbor.

Another neighbor states that they used to exchange recipes.

“I gave him my special recipe for fudge that’s been in the family for generations.  He told me how how to use an alarm clock to set off a car bomb.  But I didn’t think anything of it.  He seemed so nice.”

Experts brought in by Homeland Security have focused on possible economic motives for the attempted bombing.

“He seems to have been singularly oppressed in America.  He lost a job.  He was not getting rich.  But what seems to have really set him off is when his house was foreclosed.  Obviously he was angry at Democrats for their perceived role in causing the housing meltdown.”

New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg speculates that Shahzad had a political motive.

“My guess is that he is a teabagger and angry about the health care bill.”

Those interrogating Shahzad mention that he visited Pakistan for a couple months to gain expert knowledge on “how to kill the infidel.”

“At this point we believe that infidel is some sort of code word.  Possibly short for infidelity.  In which case it makes sense that he was angry at Democrats for what he sees as their perceived infidelity to the core values of our Constitution.  A perception that intelligent people know is wrong.”

No matter what Shahzad’s true motives may have been, New York was very lucky that the bomb did not ignite.

“I just hope Republicans don’t use this as an excuse to go after people of color.  I’m really worried about a possible backlash” said Mayor Bloomberg.



2 Responses

  1. Matt says:

    I’m glad the Mayor Bloomberg decided to contribute. That’s a literal direct quote, isn’t it?

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Yep. Our beloved fascist dictator, er, mayor sticks his foot in his mouth again.

Leave a Reply

Using Gravatars in the comments - get your own and be recognized!

XHTML: These are some of the tags you can use: <a href=""> <b> <blockquote> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>