With NFL protests much in the news I was lucky enough to snag an interview with NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell (pictured above.)
MI: Good afternoon Mr. Goodell.
RG: Good afternoon Manhattan Infidel. Are you ready for some football?
MI: Actually no. I turned off the NFL games in disgust after the protests started.
RG: So you’re watching the games? It’s good to hear from faithful, loyal football fans such as yourself.
MI: Actually I said I was not watching the games and was boycotting them out of disgust for the protests and politicization of the game.
RG: I’m glad we have your support. Without fans like you the NFL would be nothing.
MI: You’re not listening to me, are you?
RG: No. No I’m not. I’m Roger f*cking Goodell, Commissioner of the Motherf*king NFL and I don’t need to listen to common people like you. Commoners such as yourself and your stupid protests annoy me.
MI: But would you like to address the issue of the protests? Viewership is down and many people talk of never watching the NFL again.
RG: Our brave heroic football players have the right to protest the out-of-control epidemic of white police officers shooting young black men.
MI: But isn’t that really a myth. If you look at the statistics black men are much more likely to be killed by other black men.
RG: Ferguson. Hands up. Don’t shoot.
MI: That has been proven to be false.
RG: But I believe it to be true. And that’s all that matters.
MI: Shouldn’t the NFL be concentrating on providing entertainment and not becoming social justice warriors?
MI: Commissioner Goodell?
MI: What about the arrest rate of NFL players? Do you plan to address this issue?
RG: Oh look. it’s the coach of the NBA’s San Antonio Spurs, Gregg Popovich!
[Gregg Popovich enters]
GP: White people!
MI: I beg your pardon?
GP: White people need to be made uncomfortable. We have no idea what it means to be born white. White people! Make them uncomfortable! Down with white privilege! Make us uncomfortable. White people need to be brought down and made uncomfortable!
RG: Brilliantly put. Would you by any chance be available to take a knee for us next Sunday?
MI: You want to be made uncomfortable? Very well. I’ve just told your chauffeur that he won’t be needed for the rest of the day so he left.
GP: What? No chauffeur? Damn you Manhattan Infidel I said make white people uncomfortable. Not kill us! What am I supposed to do now?
MI: I don’t know. Take public transportation?
RG: I’d offer you my chauffeur but he’s busy taking a knee somewhere.
GP: No chauffeur peace!
[Popovich takes a knee]
RG: May I join you?
[Goodell takes a knee]
MI: I’ll just leave you to your knee taking then.
[Manhattan Infidel leaves]
RG: Help I’ve taken a knee and I can’t get up!
GP: I used to have that problem. Now I take SuperBeta Prostate.
You know that interview made me very uncomfortable. And not in a social justice way either.