Children (and the Democratic Party) are our top priorities!

With the proper education of the children of America its top priority, the American Federation of Teachers announced today the complete approved list of reading material for 4th graders.

“The education of our children is our top priority” said AFT President Randi Weingarten.

We exist for one reason:  To better the lives of our students.  And further the policies of the Democratic party.  So actually you could say we exist for two reasons:  Bettering the lives of our students and getting people to vote Democrat.  Oh and I forgot about kickbacks.  So you could say we exist for three reasons:  Bettering the lives of our students, getting people to vote Democratic and squeezing union dues from our teachers that I will use for personal reasons.  But none of that matters if we don’t teach our students the proper values.  And that is why we are listing the following books as approved reading material for ten-year olds.

Complete List of Books Approved by the AFT for Students to Read:

• Mommy Can I Cut My Penis off?

It’s important that male students realize that the penis is an instrument of war.  It is never too early to begin the discussion of gender identity. By cutting their penis off and transitioning to womanhood these students make the world a better place.

• Mommy Can I Cut my Breasts Off and Get a Penis?

While normally the penis is a weapon of war, if a young girl wants to become a man and transition to penis-hood she should be encouraged.  A former womyn who now has a penis and self-identifies as a man understands the pain of oppression and can help other students transition.

• The Complete Guide to Masturbation!

We feel that fourth graders should self-pleasure as often as possible.  And they should do it correctly.  Hence this book, which contains many illustrations for students to follow.  The book includes writings from prominent Democratic politicians who will talk about their own experiences with masturbation.

• Hand Jobs!  Hand Jobs!  Hand Jobs!

While self-pleasuring is important we feel that young boys should learn to pleasure each other.  Hand jobs teach kids the importance of safe sex.  This book, like the Complete Guide to Masturbation, also includes recollections from prominent Democratic politicians on hand jobs and how students need to not listen to Republicans.

• My Teacher Touched Me!

This book will show children that they need not be afraid of sexual interaction with their teachers.  Having a teacher show a sexual interest in a student is normal.  (No matter what those Republicans try and tell you.)

• Which Lubricant is Best?

Naturally our students will want to experiment with anal sex.  This guide to lubricants will teach kids which ones are best and won’t lead to an allergic reaction.

• The Complete Guide to Piercing

Having your nipples, penis or vagina pierced can increase sexual pleasure.  This book will teach students how to self-pierce.

“Naturally this is just a partial list” said Weingarten.

“We have many more books we would like our students to read but our lawyers tell us that some of these books might get us arrested. So we will hold off on those books for now” 

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