
Let ‘er rip!
With the midterm elections just two weeks away it is my pleasure to interview the Democratic candidate for Governor of Georgia, Stacy Abrams.
MI: Good afternoon Miss Abrams. Sorry I am late. There was a lot of traffic on the roads.
SA: I understand. Traffic is rough. Slows us all down. Do you know how as Governor of the great state of Georgia I will solve traffic congestion?
MI: No. Tell me.
SA: Abortion!
MI: Um. What?
SA: Abortion! Under my plan to reduce traffic congestion people will be required to have abortions. Abortions mean less people. Less people mean less traffic.
MI: That’s a rather extreme solution don’t you think? Surely there must be another way to reduce traffic?
SA: No. Only abortion solves our problems. God gave us the great gift of abortion and I plan to expand its use. Tired of waiting on line at the DMV? There’s a solution.
MI: Abortion?
SA: Precisely. Home heating bills too expensive during the cold winter months? There is a solution!
MI: Abortion?
SA: Yes. Abort your child. Less people means you don’t have to keep the house as warm which reduces heating costs.
MI: I’m not sure that’s how it works.
SA: Worried about inflation? There is a solution.
MI: Let me guess –
SA: Abortion! Your child will only increase your cost of living. More mouths to feed.
MI: I see a pattern here.
SA: Didn’t like the ending to the Sopranos?
MI: Abortion?
SA: Worried about water contamination at Camp Lejeune?
MI: Abortion?
SA: Thought the Beatles should have kept Pete Best as their drummer?
MI: Abortion?
SA: Yes!
MI: I’m not sure how abortion would solve any of these issues.
SA: Oh but it will. Abortion will save the world. In fact, so confident am I that abortion will solve all of our problems I have constructed a rudimentary time-traveling device. With this device I will travel back to when I was a fetus and abort myself!
[Candidate Abrams presses a button on the time-traveling device and becomes younger. Eventually she becomes a child]
SA: I’m having second thoughts about this. How do I stop this? I can feel my mind going. My consciousness is slipping away.
MI: I um –
SA: No! I want to live!
[Candidate Abrams returns to a fetal state. Eventually all that is left on her chair is some stringy, pulpy matter and a blood stain]
MI: Yeah I’m not cleaning that up.
And so ended my interview with Stacy Abrams. I’d like to thank candidate Abrams for –
[The fetal matter bursts and Manhattan Infidel is covered in pulpy material]
God dammit! I told you I am not cleaning up this mess!
(33)
I’m confused. Are you somehow denigrating this body positive persyn of color?
Shame on you, Infidel!
I feel much shame. I feel almost like a domestic terrorist. If only the FBI would come and arrest me. I need to confess my sins against womyn of color.