President Biden Admits to Storing Classified Documents in Several Different Locations!

Classified documents? Never heard of such a thing!









After asking the rhetorical question how could Donald Trump “be so irresponsible” President Biden was forced to admit that he himself has stored classified documents, not only in his Penn Biden Center think tank but many other locations.  We here at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ have compiled a list of all the locations that have been confirmed to hold Biden classified documents.

  • The Penn Biden Center for Diplomacy and Global Engagement

Hundreds of documents from Biden’s time as Vice President have been discovered at the think tank.  President Biden insists that that documents are secure.  “I have it on good authority from the head of the center (pictured here) 

President Biden’s good friend and head of his Think Tank







that all documents are securely stored away.  And I trust this man.  And not only because he’s giving my family millions of dollars.”

  • President Biden’s Corvette

Reporters have discovered that classified documents are being stored in President Biden’s beloved Corvette.

Who doesn’t have classified documents in the glove compartment?










Come on man” said the President.  “Don’t be a dog-faced pony soldier! It’s just some nuclear codes in the glove compartment.  Where else am I supposed to store them?  In the cigarette lighter? It’s not like I have an unregistered gun in the glove compartment.  An unregistered gun with a bump stock. An unregistered gun with a bump stock that my son Hunter used in an armed robbery while high on crack.”

  • President Biden’s Garage

Also on the list is the garage at Biden’s Delaware residence.  The President seems particularly unapologetic on this one. “My garage is locked.  It’s not like I have the assassination requests of world leaders in an unlocked garage. Besides I have hired a man to watch over the garage.  Joey Buttafuoco is his name. 

This man protects the contents of President Biden’s garage










I trust him.  He has a long history of working in garages. And if you can’t trust someone from Long Island who can you trust.”

  • Hunter Biden’s Crack Pipe

This has drawn the most commentary.  Why would the President store classified documents in his son’s crack pipe?

Too many crack pipes to search!












President Biden has given perhaps the only possible answer:  “Look, Hunter has hundreds of crack pipes.  It would take someone years to discover which one had the nuclear codes.  I trust Hunter.  I trust his crack pipe.”

  • President Biden’s Backside

“Papillon is one of the President’s favorite movies” said his press secretary. “Naturally when the time came to store documents he immediately thought of his ass. 

The documents are securely stored up his ass!












Look, he’s 80 and eats a lot of cheese.  He hasn’t had a bowel movement in weeks.  The documents are secure.”

  • The Hair of Young Girls

President Biden has admitted to storing classified documents in the hair of young girls.

How else is the President supposed to check if the documents are secure?









Press secretary Karine Jean-Pierre has defended her boss on this.  “Every time you see the President sniffing a young girl’s hair he isn’t doing it for sexual pleasure.  No that’s something I would do.  He’s sniffing their hair just to check that the classified documents that he has hidden are secure.”

Despite the controversy, President Biden appears to have strong approval ratings and will most likely emerge from the scandal unscathed

“Trump did worse.  Orange man bad!” said a White House reporter.



Leave a Reply

Using Gravatars in the comments - get your own and be recognized!

XHTML: These are some of the tags you can use: <a href=""> <b> <blockquote> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>