Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg Indicts Ham Sandwich!

Show me the sandwich I’ll show you the crime!







Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg announced today that he has indicted a ham sandwich on 33 felony counts after a grand jury found that the ham sandwich was “delicious beyond legal means.

While Democrats have long sought to have the ham sandwich indicted, legal experts worry that the case against the sandwich is weak.

“Look this is the wrong case” said a law professor.

We have so many other things against the ham sandwich.  How the ham sandwich interfered in the 2020 elections.  How the ham sandwich was responsible for the J6 riots, the worst day in American history by the way. Why are we going after the sandwich for “deliciousness”?  Aren’t ham sandwiches supposed to be delicious?  No, this case is weak and will make it harder for us to go after the ham sandwich for other crimes.

When the indictment was announced all cable news networks interrupted their regular programming to focus on the decision.

“We got the ham sandwich!” declared Joe Scarborough from MSNBC.  “Finally the walls are closing in!”

“Ham sandwich indicted” said Don Lemon on CNN.

Of course it’s been indicted.  What do you expect from a sandwich on WHITE bread?  White bread is the bread of hatred. And this sandwich is racist! It would be different if the sandwich were on pumpernickel which is black or even wheat bread which is brown and I like to call “The Hispanic of breads.”  But a ham sandwich on WHITE bread?  That’s KKK food!

It has been announced that the District Attorney’s office is in negotiations with lawyers for the ham sandwich regarding how and when the sandwich will turn itself in for arraignment.

“We are worried about possible violence” said a source within the D.A.’s office.

The ham sandwich has many devoted followers and if they become violent then we’ll have a riot on our hands.  That’s why we are putting up barricades around our offices. This sandwich has a cult-like following.  You know how people are who like ham sandwiches.  They are all a bunch of deplorables.  They just aren’t sophisticated like those of us who work for the State.

Despite worries of violence, the District Attorney remains confident that his case will lead to a conviction and jail time for the ham sandwich.

“He’s looking forward to the perp walk” according to those in the know.


Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News


The case against the ham sandwich has been thrown into turmoil after it was announced that Bragg (pictured here)

There is no evidence after it is eaten!








had eaten the evidence.

“We found him on the floor of his office with bits of ham around the corners of his mouth” said a detective.

With no evidence left the case against the ham sandwich has been dismissed.  D.A. Bragg had no comment as he left his office other than to burp and ask for honey mustard.

“You know mustard doesn’t have to be yellow to be good” he told reporters.



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