Manhattan Infidel Presents Your Midterm Election Template™

Voter suppression!!! The Republicans are suppressing voters!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

With the midterms a day away and many pundits predicting a red wave, we here at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ present for our readers a handy template to guide you through election night.

It looks like the Democrats will suffer historic losses on Tuesday. How could this happen?

  1.  What’s the big deal?  The party in power usually loses seats in a midterm election
  2.  Those racist Republicans are suppressing the vote of the weak and helpless victims of color!
  3.  We believe our message of “Let us chop your son’s penis off” resounded with the voters but we simply didn’t express the message well enough
  4.  No seriously.  We want to cut your son’s penis off

Genital mutilation was your message?

  1. Yes.  It is a winning message
  2. I mean how many of us have looked at a high school football player and said “He’d look much better as a girl.  Perhaps he’d agree to let us chop his penis off.”
  3. And they don’t even chop it off.  Technically they spit it lengthwise and fold it upon itself, creating an artificial vagina.
  4. Granted the artificial vagina won’t be self-lubricating but there are ointments you can use for that

I’m still not quite sure this message is a winning message

  1. Trans rights are human rights!
  2. It’s like the ’60s all over again.  Then we had blacks who were segregated, lynched and denied the right to vote.  Today we have young boys who want to be women and we want to help them
  3. Of course this is a winning message. Everyone in my book club in Manhattan agrees with me
  4. You must be binary.  Wake up pal!  There are 64 known genders.  And that’s a scientific fact!

Many parents were also worried about the books their children have to read at school

  1. We understand completely.  It’s important that parents have a say with the local school board
  2. Parents represent the nuclear family and as such they must be resisted at all costs
  3. What do parents know about the secret penis-chopping, gay sex experiences of their pre-teen children?
  4. Why are we focusing on reading anyway?  Parents don’t send their kids to school to learn to read.  They send them to school to be groomed

What do you say to parents who show up at school board meetings to object to your agenda?

  1. We welcome your feedback
  2. As a deplorable it is your job to shut up and let us, the elite, guide your children into the progressive values of the 21st century
  3. You’re all a bunch of domestic terrorists!
  4. Seriously. I hope the FBI conducts a no-knock raid on your home, drags you out onto your front lawn in your underwear and arrests you!

If, as is expected, the Democrats suffer historic losses on election day, what shall The Party do?

  1. Regroup.  After all it’s just bad messaging like we said.  The public still supports us
  2. Purchase thousands more drop boxes
  3. Bring out your dead!  And have them vote Democratic!
  4. Democracy is too important to be left to whim of the voters!

And there you have it readers:  My handy template that will help you make sense of the midterm elections.  Oh, and if you are reading this FBI agents are already on their way to your house. Put on a gas mask to ward off the percussion grenades.

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