NASA announced today that any further messages sent into deep space in hopes of contacting alien life will be updated. “The old messages were disturbingly old fashioned” said NASA’s administrator, Charles Bolden. The earlier messages showed a lot of white men and an attitude of white privilege. Women were meek, submissive, oppressed by patriarchy and […]

With sales plummeting in lieu of the Jared Fogle scandal and in an attempt to revitalize their brand, the Subway restaurant chain announced today that its new spokesman will be veteran actor and comedian Bill Cosby. “We had to hire someone” said Subway CEO Fred DeLuca. I mean seriously. We had to hire someone.  Our […]

Do you know what I love most about living in America?  Hookers.  Nothing says “I live in a free society” quite like paying a woman for sex. While on a meth binge.  After murdering someone. What? You mean people can read this? Anyway on to part ten (that’s X in Latin) of my series “2017 […]

In wake of the tragic shootings of journalist Allison Parker and her cameraman Adam Ward by Bryce Williams, who was enraged after years of systematic racism by the white man, we at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ have asked ourselves what we can do to ensure that this doesn’t happen again. Specifically it has […]

The Justice League, sometimes known as the Justice League of America, has announced plans to downsize after a third quarter in a row of diminished profit margins. “Our losses have been heavier than expected” announced the Green Lantern, one of founding members of the League. Sources report that the Justice League’s expenses increased after it lost […]

I haven’t done a horoscope post in a while.  I am reminded of this every time I walk down the streets of Gotham.  “When are you going to do a horoscope again” they ask me.  “Do a horoscope.  And put on your pants” they also say.  “Please do a horoscope and please stop texting my […]

From the front steps of his cave Og looks out and sees the same thing every day: Ice retreating. “Og worried about climate change” he said anxiously. For the past decade the ice that Og and his fellow cavemen had depended on to find trapped food has retreated as temperatures rise. Many of the cavemen […]

Noah, once hailed as the savior of humanity because of his home-built ark, has come under fire for his gender limiting policies. The controversy first erupted when Noah posted signs stating that “all animals, male and female” will be welcome in his Ark. “To limit who will live by an arbitrary gender designation is immoral” said […]

The United States is on high alert today after President Snuggles, the countries first Democratically elected canine president, insulted the Russian president by licking his balls during a private meeting at the White House. After the Equality of Species Act of 2019 was passed, canines and felines were given citizenship and the right to vote. […]

Chaos reigned on the streets today as a mostly peaceful protest for Black Lives Matter was interrupted by a competing Black Lives Matter protest. As the mostly peaceful protesters marched down Broadway overturning cars and setting the Irish on fire while chanting “Hey Ho Racism Has Got to Go!” they were met with a competing […]