Justice League to Downsize!

The Justice League could not keep up with changing economic times

The Justice League could not keep up with changing economic times

The Justice League, sometimes known as the Justice League of America, has announced plans to downsize after a third quarter in a row of diminished profit margins.

“Our losses have been heavier than expected” announced the Green Lantern, one of founding members of the League.

Sources report that the Justice League’s expenses increased after it lost its tax exempt status and was kicked out of their secret cave outside the small town of Happy Harbor, Rhode Island.

“I’m not lying. That was a big blow” said Aquaman.

The location was great.  The commute was easy. And we didn’t pay any rent.  But then the EPA said we had to leave because the run off from our toilets was endangering local fish. After that our next headquarters was in a second floor walkup above a bar in town. Noisy.  Not conducive to plotting strategy to defeat super villains.  And Batman, god bless him but he does have a drinking problem, was always disappearing to the bar and getting in fights with people who made fun of his costume.

Eventually their landlord kicked them out, concerned that Batman would eventually kill someone in a drunken rage.

Out of options the League moved to new offices on Park Avenue in Manhattan.

“Yeah, we probably couldn’t afford it, but you have to spend money to make money” said Superman.

And Manhattan would help us achieve a higher profile with the public. We want to help rid the world of evil. And frankly no one was paying us to defeat superheroes. The work was pro bono as they say. But we just didn’t get enough customers to pay the bills. So we started taking consulting work with the city trying to solve problems like making the L and G line subways run on time. Sure, it’s not exactly evil but it does help people.

Eventually the City terminated the Justice League’s contract, concerned that several members of the League were pro horse-carriage trade.

After losing the City’s business the Justice League cut costs by getting rid of their costumes and opting for khakis and polo shirts with a Justice League logo.

“I thought we looked ridiculous” griped the Green Lantern.

But hey, those outfits were expensive to clean and maintain. I guess I can understand why we switched to them.  Still, it was kind of hard to maintain a secret identity when everyone can see your face. Supervillains have long memories you know. And they hold super grudges.

Even hiring a public relations firm and filming a few commercials didn’t bring in business for the League.

Finally faced with dwindling revenue and now forced to buy health insurance, the League held a secret meeting without the Martian Manhunter and Wonder Woman to decide their fate.

It was at this meeting that it was decided to give Manhunter and Wonder Woman their termination papers.

“No one like the Manhunter anyway” said the Green Lantern. “And Wonder Woman wasn’t putting out anymore so she was useless to us.”

Standing on the corner of 53rd and Park, with the contents of his cubicle in a box in his hands, the Martian Manhunter hopes for better times.

I’ve always been good with computers.  Maybe I’ll get a job at a help desk. How hard can it be. It won’t be permanent. I’ll just do it to to pay the rent until the next superhero job comes along.

As for Wonder Woman,

Hey, pal.  Eyes up here!  Thank you.

Hey, pal. Eyes up here! Thank you.

she remains optimistic.

“I won’t be out of work long.  Not with these legs, honey.”


4 Responses

  1. Petermc3 says:

    Elmo and Big Bird have warned the super heroes to stay out of Times Square except for Wonder Woman who they have offered to paint themselves.

  2. Downsizing won’t save those meddling do-gooders at the Justice League! Obama’s DOJ is about to lower the hammer for failing to meet minority quota hiring levels!

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