At that time Hugo Chavez heard the fame of Barack.

And he said to his servants:  This is Sean Penn:  he is risen from the dead and therefore mighty works of redistribution shew forth themselves in him.

For Hugo had apprehended Sean Penn and bound him, and put him in prison because he was annoying.

And having a mind to put him to death, he feared the people:  because they esteemed him as a maker of Hollywood crap.

But on Hugo’s birthday a stripper danced before him and pleased him.

Whereupon he promised with an oath to give her whatsoever she would ask of him.

And she said:  Give me here in a dish the head of Sean Penn.

And he sent, and beheaded Sean Penn.

And Barack’s disciples came and took the body and gave him a posthumous Medal of Freedom.

When it was evening his disciples came to him, saying:  This is a desert place, and the hour is now past:  send away the rubes, that going into the towns they may cling to guns and religion.

But Barack said to them, They have no need to go:  give you them to eat.

They answered him:  We have not here but five loaves, and two fishes.

And when he had commended the rubes to sit down upon the grass, he took the five loaves and blessed and brake and gave the loaves to his disciples, and the disciples redistributed to the rubes.

But Barack giveth not the two fishes since the fishes were unhealthy to eat and might raise their cholesterol.  Instead sayeth he:  It is not right to give unhealthy food to the multitudes.  Give me the fish and I will have it with my bacon cheeseburger.

And having dismissed the rubes, he went back to the White House.  And when it was evening he was there alone, for Michelle was shopping in New York.

And in the fourth watch of the night he came to his disciples walking upon the sea.

And Joe Biden, making answer, said:  Barack, if it be thou, bid me come to thee upon the waters.

And he said:  Come.  And Joe Biden going down out of the boat, walked upon the water to come to Barack.

But seeing the wind strong he was afraid:  and when he began to sink he cried out, saying:  This is a big fucking deal!

And immediately Barack stretching forth his hand took hold of him and said:  You’re off the ticket in 2012.

And having passed the water they came into another state.

And when the men of that place had knowledge of him, they brought to him all that were diseased, but not before first hiding their cheeseburgers.

And they besought him that they might touch but the hem of his garment.  And as many touched were made whole as long as they had insurance.  Those who foolishly refused to buy insurance were thrown into Gehenna where there was weeping and gnashing of teeth.

(316)

The same day Barack going out of the house, sat by the sea side.  (Which he was able to do having lowered sea levels.)

And great multitudes were gathered together unto him and some of them even fainted.

And behold he spoke to them many things in parables, saying:  Behold the capitalist went forth to work.

And while he worketh his profit fell by the wayside and the birds of the air came and ate them up.

And others had their profit fall upon stony ground, where there was not much earth: and they sprung up immediately because they had no deepness of earth.

And some had their profit fall among thorns:  and the thorns grew up and choked them.

And others had their profit fall upon good ground and they brought forth abundant fruit.

He that has ears that can still hear let them thank my healthcare reform.

And his disciples in the mainstream media came and said to him: Why speakest thou in parables?

He answered and said unto them:  Because to you it is given to know the mysteries of the kingdom of socialism: but to the rubes it is not given.

For he that hath, to him it shall be taken away, especially if he makes more than $200,000 a year:  but he that hath not, from him shall much be given, including free birth control on college campuses.

For amen I say unto you, many socialists and just men have desired to see the redistribution that you see and have not seen it.

Hear you therefore the parable of the capitalist.

Anyone that worketh for himself and his own profit only, and understandeth not the economic feasibility of socialism:  this is he whose profit fell by the wayside, for he is selfish.

And he that received his profit upon stony ground is he that spends all his profit immediately on himself instead of giving it to the government, for he too is selfish.

And he that received his profit among thorns is he whom the care of the world choketh up his profit, for he had to spend it on his wife and children.  For he too is selfish by having children instead of using free birth control provided by my health care reform.

But he that receiveth his profit upon good ground is he that voteth Democrat, and understandeth the kingdom of socialism.  For he is not selfish.

Another parable he proposed to them, saying:  the kingdom of socialism is likened to a man that sowed good seed in his field.

But while he was asleep capitalists came and oversowed cockle among the wheat.

And the personal assistants of the good socialist coming said to him:  Sir, didst thou not sow good seed in the field? Whence then hath it cockle?  And the personal assistants said to him:  wilt thou that we go and gather it up?

And he said:  No, lest perhaps gathering up the cockle, you root up the wheat also together with it.

Suffer both to grown until April 15th, when taxes are due.  And in the time of  April 15th I will say to the reapers: Gather up first the cockle and give them prohibitive fines for redistribution, but the wheat give ye of the redistribution thereof including free healthcare and birth control.

And it came to pass:  when Barack had finished these parables he passed from hence.

But not before having the Secret Service shut down all the roads in town.

(309)

 At that time Barack and his wife went through the expensive and trendy restaurants and being hungry they began to eat.

And the Republicans seeing them said:  Behold your wife and you do eat and drink and fly in private planes to eat and drink in the middle of a recession.

But Barack said to them:  Have you not read that I lower sea levels? Or have ye not read in the Constitution the phrase “insure domestic tranquility?”  Well, this is how I insure domestic tranquility.

But I tell you that there is one here greater than the Constitution.

And behold there was a man who had a withered hand, and they asked him, saying:  This man has no insurance.  Is it lawful?

But he said to them:  What man shall be so stupid that hath not insurance?  Especially now that he shall be fined thereof.

Then he saith to the man:  Stretch forth thy hand thou rube; and he stretched it forth and it was restored to health.  And Barack saith, you really should be in jail for not buying insurance.

And he charged the man not to make him known.  I mean he really charged him.  Lots of money.

And then was offered to him one possessed with a devil, blind and dumb.  And Barack did hand him over to the death panel because his quality of life was bad.

But the Republican hierarchy hearing it, said:  This man casteth out devils by Sarah Palin the princess of the devils.

And Barack knowing their thoughts, said to them:  he that is not with me is against me.

And whosoever shall speak a word against Obama it shall not be forgiven him, neither in this election cycle nor in the next one.

O Republican vipers, how can you speak good things, whereas you are evil?

A good progressive liberal Democrat out of the good treasure brings forth redistribution:  and an evil capitalist Republican out of evil treasure bringeth forth inequality, racism and  nonredistribution.

The kingdom of socialism is like unto a treasure hidden in a field.  Again the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant.  Well, maybe that’s not a good example since merchants are capitalists and the evil other. 

 And it came to pass:  when Barack had finished these parables, he passed from hence. 

On Air Force One. 

But not before he shut down the east side of Manhattan so he could attend a Broadway show and eat at a fancy restaurant.

(803)