The same day Barack going out of the house, sat by the sea side.  (Which he was able to do having lowered sea levels.)

And great multitudes were gathered together unto him and some of them even fainted.

And behold he spoke to them many things in parables, saying:  Behold the capitalist went forth to work.

And while he worketh his profit fell by the wayside and the birds of the air came and ate them up.

And others had their profit fall upon stony ground, where there was not much earth: and they sprung up immediately because they had no deepness of earth.

And some had their profit fall among thorns:  and the thorns grew up and choked them.

And others had their profit fall upon good ground and they brought forth abundant fruit.

He that has ears that can still hear let them thank my healthcare reform.

And his disciples in the mainstream media came and said to him: Why speakest thou in parables?

He answered and said unto them:  Because to you it is given to know the mysteries of the kingdom of socialism: but to the rubes it is not given.

For he that hath, to him it shall be taken away, especially if he makes more than $200,000 a year:  but he that hath not, from him shall much be given, including free birth control on college campuses.

For amen I say unto you, many socialists and just men have desired to see the redistribution that you see and have not seen it.

Hear you therefore the parable of the capitalist.

Anyone that worketh for himself and his own profit only, and understandeth not the economic feasibility of socialism:  this is he whose profit fell by the wayside, for he is selfish.

And he that received his profit upon stony ground is he that spends all his profit immediately on himself instead of giving it to the government, for he too is selfish.

And he that received his profit among thorns is he whom the care of the world choketh up his profit, for he had to spend it on his wife and children.  For he too is selfish by having children instead of using free birth control provided by my health care reform.

But he that receiveth his profit upon good ground is he that voteth Democrat, and understandeth the kingdom of socialism.  For he is not selfish.

Another parable he proposed to them, saying:  the kingdom of socialism is likened to a man that sowed good seed in his field.

But while he was asleep capitalists came and oversowed cockle among the wheat.

And the personal assistants of the good socialist coming said to him:  Sir, didst thou not sow good seed in the field? Whence then hath it cockle?  And the personal assistants said to him:  wilt thou that we go and gather it up?

And he said:  No, lest perhaps gathering up the cockle, you root up the wheat also together with it.

Suffer both to grown until April 15th, when taxes are due.  And in the time of  April 15th I will say to the reapers: Gather up first the cockle and give them prohibitive fines for redistribution, but the wheat give ye of the redistribution thereof including free healthcare and birth control.

And it came to pass:  when Barack had finished these parables he passed from hence.

But not before having the Secret Service shut down all the roads in town.

(301)