A meaningless parchment

“He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people, and eat out their substance.”

That one line from the Declaration of Independence has more meaning today than ever.  The fourth branch of our government, the bureaucratic, now is the most powerful.  The EPA continues its avaricious power grab and now claims the right to regulate puddles.  The IRS routinely harasses its political opponents (apparently un-elected bureaucrats now have political enemies.)  The NSA collects our data. For our own good of course.

“He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people, and eat out their substance.”

Americans today consider themselves free.  We don’t have to produce travel papers.  Yet.  But I assume that is coming.  For our own good of course.  Too many Americans travelling for their silly bourgeois vacations leads to global warming.

Arrogant bureaucrats defend their exalted position when called to testify in front of congress.

“He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people, and eat out their substance.”

The EPA now has virtual unlimited power to destroy our way of life. The coal industry will be shut down.  For our own good of course.  Citizens unlucky enough to have a pond in their back yard will be fined.  Soon the EPA will be visiting our homes to check to see if we have our thermostats set at an unapproved temperature.

“Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.” ~ Hugo Black

Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception.  Never in the history of America have we had a more corrupt government, unanswerable to the people.  And what does the press do?  I should call them the Palace Guard and not the press for that is what they are. The job the press is to protect and defend the Democratic administration.

With the press seemingly incapable of doing its job, with a corrupt and weak president, with a bureaucracy headstrong with power, our country is sliding towards becoming a divine right state, only instead of kings we will be ruled by the oligarchy.  For our own good of course.

Now it seems that Americans desire to be ruled by the oligarchy.  What is happening in America is the same as what happened in Israel when they asked for a king (1 Samuel 8:4-17)

Then all the ancients of Israel being assembled came to Samuel and they said to him:  Make us a king, to judge us, as all the nations have…….Then Samuel told all the words of the Lord to the people that had desired a king of him, and said:  This will be the right of the king that shall reign over you:  He will take your sons, and put them in his chariots, and will make them his horsemen, and his running footmen to run before his chariots; and he will appoint of them to be his tribunes and centurions, and to plough his fields, and to reap his corn, and to make him arms and chariots.  Your daughters also he will take to make him ointments, and to be his cooks, and bakers.  And he will take your fields, and your vineyards, and your best oliveyards, and give them to his servants.  Moreover he will take the tenth of your corn, and the revenues of your vineyards, to give his eunuchs and servants.  Your servants also and handmaids, and your goodliest young men, and your asses he will take away, and put them to work.  Your flocks also he will tithe, and you shall be his servants.

The Constitution of the United States was the greatest instrument for human freedom ever devised by the hand of man.  Our founding fathers gave us a limited government.  Limited with a few specifically enumerated powers.  Both parties ignore the Constitution now as an embarrassment and a hindrance to consolidating their power.

None of this would be possible if the public didn’t allow it to happen.  But they have.  And they don’t seem to care.  As long as they continue to get their free stuff from the government Americans are content to live as serfs.

Americans like the ancient Israelis have chosen to be ruled by the new kings of the oligarchy.

I shall leave you with a quote by Thomas Jefferson:

 And what country can preserve it’s liberties if their rulers are not warned from time to time that their people preserve the spirit of resistance? Let them take arms…..What signify a few lives lost in a century or two? The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. It is it’s natural manure.

Sadly America is too far gone to rise up against her oppressors.

Happy Independence Day serfs.

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Joe Biden before being released into the wild

As part of the Obama administration’s environmental program, Vice President Biden today was tagged and released into the wild.

“My administration cares about the environment and maintaining the ecosystem” declared the President.

I have added more federally protected wildlife sanctuaries than any administration before it.  In these protected wildlife sanctuaries it is my hope to restore the balance of the ecosystem.  Endangered animals, animals threatened by human encroachment will once again have the change to roam free and wild.  And that is why earlier today Vice President Biden was drugged and tagged by a team from the Environmental Protection Agency.  On my orders Biden will now be released into the wild to live out his days without having to worry about other humans.

After his comments Vice President Biden was brought forward by his handlers.  Still groggy from the drugs, Biden smiled when he saw Obama.

“Daddy, daddy” said the Vice President.

“Joe, do you know what’s going to happen now?” said Obama.

Biden shook his head “no.”

“You’re being set free. You’re going into the wild, away from humans and civilization.”

Biden appeared confused at first and put his hand in the President’s.

“Me leave you? Me leave home?” he asked.

“Now Joe” Obama countered.

I don’t want you to afraid.  You know how mean humans can be to you sometimes? Do you know how you feel frightened and inferior around us? How sometimes our technology and customs confuse you?   That’s why we are releasing you.

“Humans mean to me” said the Vice President.

When the ceremony was over Biden was driven into rural Maryland by Secret Service and dropped off by the side of the road.

“You’re free.  You’re free.  Go. Go into the wild” said the agents as they released him.

“It was very touching” according to a reporter who witness the transfer.

Once Biden saw the woods and realized he was being set free his eyes lit up and he started giggling.  He was very happy.  He turned around once, waved to us and then he was gone.

President Obama described the tag and release program of Vice President Biden as an example of bipartisanship in Washington.

It (the tagging and releasing) was something that had wide support among both parties.  Now perhaps Joe can reach his full potential.  He can live free and unencumbered by other humans.

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Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News 

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Vice President Biden has been spotted at several rest stops along I-95.

“What a pest” said a business owner.

He rummages through the garbage, defecates all over the place and scares people by running up to them and licking them in the face.  If it were up to me I’d shoot him.

People have been advised that if they spot Biden to keep their distance and alert local authorities.

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Navy blue pants suit or sky blue pants suit?

I like to read so when former First Lady, former Senator from New York, former Secretary of State and future 45th President Hillary Rodham Clinton released her 650 page memoir I had to scoop it up.

I spent the entire night in an alley shooting up reading this fascinating tale of power, intrigue and betrayal and I’d like to share what I think are some of its more memorable passages.

On her first meeting with the future and former President Bill Clinton

I was in the college library.  I spent a lot of time in the library because I like to read. And that’s where I picked up most of my women.  Anyway I saw this man staring at me.  I walked over and I berated him, saying, “I don’t like penises.  They oppress me.”  And he said “My penis has overcome.”  We bonded because of our progressive, elite humor.  Then he took my number and said he’d call.  It was then that I realized that I loved that bad boy.  Why? I’m an enlightened, accomplished feminist who doesn’t need the patriarchy.  Why do I love bad boys so much?

On the birth of her daughter Chelsea

I wanted a career but because of ingrained societal pressures I was forced to marry that bad boy, Bill.  Oh god how I love him!  We had sex.  I became pregnant.  I thought of aborting the seed but Bill was foresighted.  He said, “No.  I need to triangulate the right wing vote.”  So I kept his seed.   I went into labor.  I could feel my vagina stretching.  I cried out in pain, “Bill what have you done to me?  I’ll never let you touch me again!’  He took that to mean he could have sex with other women. I should have said no.  Here I was an accomplished career woman and I could not say no to my husband. See how a male-dominated society keeps me down!

On Bill Clinton winning the presidency in 1992

The returns started to trickle in and it became clear that my husband would win.  I started to worry about our daughter Chelsea.  Would she be psychologically damaged by the thought of a male president? I expressed my concerns to Bill who took me by the hand and led me into a private office.  He then pulled down his pants and said, “It’s all about the penis, stupid” and made me service him.  I fought back tears as I performed this unpleasant task.  Here I was, a highly accomplished career woman and I was reduced to this?  I should be president!    Oh god how I love that bad boy!  I just can’t say no.

On Monica Lewinsky

My husband, being a man, cannot help but be a serial predator of women.  I felt humiliated when the scandal broke.  I became concerned as to how this would affect Chelsea.  Would she be psychologically damaged by all this talk of fellatio? She’s an attractive, accomplished teenager.  How will she react to seeing her accomplished mother humiliated by men less accomplished than she is?  I should be mad at Bill for what he has put us through, but god I love him.  I just can’t stay angry at him.

On the Bin Laden raid

It’s sad how a male-dominated society feels the need to kill other people.  This would never happen if women ran the world, which I hope to do one day.  Still, I can’t help admire how manly and determined President Obama is.  Even though he isn’t as accomplished as I am, I feel safe and warm around him.  He’s so clean and articulate.  Not like that filthy bad boy I married. Does this pants suit make me look fat?  Bill likes junk in the trunk.

On being elected the 45th President

I can’t wait for January 20th, 2017 when I am sworn in.  Finally an accomplished woman such as myself will show the world what happens when we are in charge and not men.  Naturally my being sworn in depends on being elected first but I am not worried about that.  Once the American voters see how accomplished I have been in my life they will have no choice but to vote for me.  Should I wear the navy blue pants suit or the sky blue pants suit at the inauguration?   I want to look good for Bill.  He completes me.

It truly is an accomplished memoir.  Well, it accomplished one important feat:  It cured my insomnia.

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Over budget? What difference does it make?

Budgets. We all have to make them and follow them.  At the worldwide headquarters of Manhattan Infidel we follow very strict budget:  Thirty dollars a week for food, 300 dollars a week for hookers and 400 a week for ointments, creams, gags, whips and assorted “funsize” toys.  And we all know what happens when one goes over budget:  Take a cash advance and go further into debt.

With that in mind recently former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton was quoted that she was “dead broke” when she and her husband left the White House.  I recently had a chance to sit down with the distinguished and accomplished former first lady, senator and secretary of state.

MI: Good afternoon Madame Secretary of State.

HRC: Good afternoon whoever you are.

MI:  I’m the Manhattan Infidel.

HRC: Of course you are.

MI: I want to ask you about some comments you made recently.  You were quoted as saying that when you and President Clinton left the White House you were “dead broke” and had to budget yourselves.

HRC: Yes this is true.  As you know my husband, the former President Clinton, as opposed to me the future President Clinton was the subject of an expensive witch hunt by sex-hating Republicans.  We had major legal expenses which drained all our income.  We could barely pay our bills.

MI: Bills?  But weren’t you living rent-free in the White House for eight years?  I’m assuming you didn’t pay the utility bills for the Executive Mansion.

HRC: Your question comes from a position of white privilege and will be ignored. Now, back to my point, Bill and I were broke when we left the White House and had to economize.

MI: How did you do that?

HRC: There are many ways to save money that are quite easy.  For instance I had my chauffeur pay for gasoline.  It seems only fair.

MI:  But couldn’t you have saved more money by not hiring a chauffeur in the first place?

HRC: Your question is sexist.  May I give your readers more tips on how to economize?

MI:  By all means do.

HRC: Here’s one example.  When flying cross country on a private jet to get to a speaking engagement, always tell the people at the airport that your extra bags belong to your personal assistant. That way you don’t have to pay.

MI: I see.  But couldn’t you have saved money by just flying coach on a regularly scheduled flight?

HRC:  What?  You’re a member of the press.  I assumed I was talking to one of the elite.  You’re very clever Manhattan Infidel in trying to turn my words against me. But the American people are tired of your partisanship.  Now if you’ll let me I’ll give you some other examples of how to save money

MI: Go ahead.

HRC: When as an average American you are at a speaking engagement always get it in your rider that the venue provides the bottle of Chateau Lafite, 1787, which as you know goes for around 185,000 dollars a bottle.  You don’t want to pay that do you?  So have the people who asked you to speak and are giving you 200,000 dollars to do it pay for it.  You see.  A very simple step all Americans regardless of race, class or elite affiliation can do.

MI: I see.

HRC: One other thing.  When buying a mansion in Westchester County,  New York for a few million always get your contacts in the government to declare it a landmark or at the very least get them to agree that it is your office.  That way it’s tax exempt.

MI: Okay.

HRC: These steps can be followed by all Americans, like you Manhattan Infidel.  How did you get here to interview me?

MI:  I took the MetroNorth train to Westchester.

HRC: Why not a limousine driven by a chauffeur who has agreed to pay for the gas? 

MI: Um, because I’m broke.

HRC: It’s your mansion isn’t it?  You foolishly didn’t get your contacts in the government to lower the taxes on it.

MI: I rent a studio in Manhattan.

HRC: Are you trying to embarrass me again with your Republican partisanship that all Americans are tired of?

MI: No. I’m simply telling the truth.

HRC: And what is truth?  I wash my hands of your fate.  This interview is over.

MI: Can I at least hang around another hour?  Because by then the off-peak fares will have taken effect and I’ll save eight dollars on my ticket.

HRC: You’re budgeting myself.  I respect that.  Now get the hell out of my mansion, er, I mean my office before I have one of the Secret Service agents that I don’t pay for shoot you.

Regardless of political party, I think that all Americans can agree with Hillary Rodham Clinton that we should tighten our belts and live within our means.

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