Vice President Biden Released into Wild

Joe Biden before being released into the wild

Joe Biden before being released into the wild

As part of the Obama administration’s environmental program, Vice President Biden today was tagged and released into the wild.

“My administration cares about the environment and maintaining the ecosystem” declared the President.

I have added more federally protected wildlife sanctuaries than any administration before it.  In these protected wildlife sanctuaries it is my hope to restore the balance of the ecosystem.  Endangered animals, animals threatened by human encroachment will once again have the change to roam free and wild.  And that is why earlier today Vice President Biden was drugged and tagged by a team from the Environmental Protection Agency.  On my orders Biden will now be released into the wild to live out his days without having to worry about other humans.

After his comments Vice President Biden was brought forward by his handlers.  Still groggy from the drugs, Biden smiled when he saw Obama.

“Daddy, daddy” said the Vice President.

“Joe, do you know what’s going to happen now?” said Obama.

Biden shook his head “no.”

“You’re being set free. You’re going into the wild, away from humans and civilization.”

Biden appeared confused at first and put his hand in the President’s.

“Me leave you? Me leave home?” he asked.

“Now Joe” Obama countered.

I don’t want you to afraid.  You know how mean humans can be to you sometimes? Do you know how you feel frightened and inferior around us? How sometimes our technology and customs confuse you?   That’s why we are releasing you.

“Humans mean to me” said the Vice President.

When the ceremony was over Biden was driven into rural Maryland by Secret Service and dropped off by the side of the road.

“You’re free.  You’re free.  Go. Go into the wild” said the agents as they released him.

“It was very touching” according to a reporter who witness the transfer.

Once Biden saw the woods and realized he was being set free his eyes lit up and he started giggling.  He was very happy.  He turned around once, waved to us and then he was gone.

President Obama described the tag and release program of Vice President Biden as an example of bipartisanship in Washington.

It (the tagging and releasing) was something that had wide support among both parties.  Now perhaps Joe can reach his full potential.  He can live free and unencumbered by other humans.


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Vice President Biden has been spotted at several rest stops along I-95.

“What a pest” said a business owner.

He rummages through the garbage, defecates all over the place and scares people by running up to them and licking them in the face.  If it were up to me I’d shoot him.

People have been advised that if they spot Biden to keep their distance and alert local authorities.



4 Responses

  1. innominatus says:


    If you should be approached by Biden, do not run. Running makes you appear as prey. Instead, scatter some shiny objects and while his is distracted, slowly and quietly back away


  2. Don King says:

    I thought we were s’posed to fire our shotguns in air…

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