Two-Bit Hollywood Actress Worried About Mass Insanity or Something; Also, Sexism!!

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I worry about stuff because I’m compassionate!

Actress Jessica Chastain has said in a recent interview that she fears for the sanity of America with Donald Trump as President.

“Once society reflects the values of the president this will happen” said the actress, who was standing on the street corner hoping to be recognized.

I know this for a fact. I took a course in sociology at community college so I know what I am talking about.  Good people will become insane. Do you know what I mean. I believe energy is contagious. This is my core belief. That and using 100-watt lightbulbs causes sea levels to rise. Or was it high-flush toilets cause sea levels to rise? I can’t remember offhand. Perhaps it’s both.

Still standing on a street corner and still not being recognized by anyone, the slightly famous, her name is almost on the tip of one’s tongue actress warmed to her theories.

People are taking their freedoms for granted, young people who are asleep in terms of women’s health care and female reproductive freedom. I hope they are waking up. I’m absolutely worried that if we don’t support Planned Parenthood poor women won’t be able to afford abortions. And poor children cause sea levels to rise so we have to stop poor women from giving birth to poor children. Rich women like me giving birth doesn’t cause sea levels to rise since I can always buy some carbon credits. Poor women can’t do that. That’s why we have to abort their children. So these three, 100-watt lightbulbs, high-flush toilets and poor children cause sea levels to rise. And I don’t want sea levels to rise because I don’t want a bunch of drowned poor babies who couldn’t afford flotation devices littering my beachfront property.

The still unrecognized by the crowd semi-famous actress then removed her blouse and bra and wrote “Hi I’m Jessica Chastain” in magic marker across her chest.

Sexism is a bad thing. I’m not sure if sexism causes sea levels to rise but it wouldn’t surprise me. I have personally experienced plenty of sexism in Hollywood. The casting couch does exist. I remember once as I was naked on the couch and was servicing about six different producers thinking to myself, “This is sexism. This is wrong.” And that’s why I didn’t swallow. I reserve swallowing for Democrats who believe that 100-watt lightbulbs, high-flush toilets and poor babies cause sea levels to rise. It’s a pleasure servicing fellow Democrats who believe like I do.

The not quite recognized not quite famous actress then allowed passerby to touch her breasts, but only if they believed in climate change caused by 100-watt lightbulbs, high-flush toilets and excess poor babies who haven’t been aborted.

Remember, I’m Jessica Chastain and touching my breasts does not cause global warming like 100-watt lightbulbs, high-flush toilets and tons of dead poor babies littering my private beach.

The unrecognized actress then put her bra and blouse back on before stepping into a puddle.

“Oh my god! Look at this water in the street! Don’t tell me sea levels aren’t rising!”

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4 Responses

  1. Petermc3 says:

    Your commentary is audacious and disrespectful towards the woman who was instrumental in saving Matt Damon from sure death on Mars. Come on dog, apologize before your shower overflows when you flush that 100 Watt toilet.

  2. LSP says:

    Infidel, I thank you, the nation thanks you, the world thanks you, (enough, Ed.) for reminding us of the star quality of Jessica Chantain.

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