Caitlyn Jenner has announced plans to horrify the entire world with a full frontal nude photo shoot showing off her surgically transformed body.
“The surgery was a success and I want everyone to see” she told reporters.
I feel very, very excited that people will be looking at me naked. When I was first approached to pose nude I leaped at the chance. I find it very exciting that people will be looking at me naked. People will be looking at my new female genitalia. All of me. Every bit of my 70 year old body from my head to my toes will be naked. I can’t wait until the pictures are released.
Indeed the photo shoot has already taken place and I had the opportunity to sit down with the photographer.
MI: How did you get this photo shoot?
Photographer:We drew straws. I lost. I also have the strongest stomach so I guess it was always going to be me.
MI: How did the session go?
Photographer: Caitlyn showed up and took off all her clothes. She seemed quite eager for all of us to see her naked. Then she laid down and spread her legs. I heard a creaking noise and asked what it was.
MI: What was it?
Photographer: She looked at me and said, “Relax. That’s just my surgically inverted penis that is my new vagina. It has no natural lubrication so it’s very dry. Seriously it’s drier than the Sahara and that sometimes causes painful intercourse.” She then asked me to use a dropper to lubricate her. “Just a few drops. Just stick it right in and lube it up.”
Note: As a service to my readers I have included an artist’s representation of lubrication being applied to Caitlyn Jenner’s vagina.
Photographer: I mean. Just the thought. Oh god I’m going to be sick.
MI: There’s a bucket over there.
[The photographer runs to the bucket and spends the next five minutes vomiting]
MI: Feel better?
Photographer: No. I will never feel better again. Can I hold onto the bucket?
MI: Sure. So what happened next?
Photographer: I took photos of her naked body. Her 70-year old naked body and her surgically inverted penis. Oh god, here I go again –
[The photographer vomits into the bucket he is holding]
MI: How was Caitlyn during the shoot? Nervous?
Photographer: No. She was eager. She kept telling me how excited she will be to show everyone her surgically inverted penis.
MI: So what’s next for you?
Photographer: I’m having my eyes removed. I can’t live any longer with what I’ve seen.
From Hollywood Caitlyn’s ex, Kris Jenner, has expressed dismay at the photo shoot.
“I don’t want strangers looking at my ex-husband’s vagina. Only I can do that. Isn’t anything sacred anymore?”